#i've always had this specific scene in my head and i'm really happy with how it turned out!! the second one was a lil bonus >;)c

[prince-liest]

hi princely! i was rereading through your 666 series and i wanted to ask if you have any tips for writing dialogue? its the one part of fiction ive always struggled with, i.e. making conversations flow naturally instead of sounding robotic. imo one of the most memorable aspects of your work is how real your dialogue feels

(also i was skimming your tumblr while writing this, im so sorry about your car that's genuinely insane??? and sorry if this is terrible timing aaa)

Hello! Thank you, but no worries, not terrible timing - I could use a distraction, haha.

When I started writing fanfiction, I actually really struggled with writing dialogue for a really specific reason, which was that I was really used to RP and felt like getting into the head and talking style of more than one character at a time felt like a lot of effort and something that I had to actively swap back and forth between. This is something that got much, much easier over time, and unfortunately the #1 tip I always have is that practice not only makes the quality of your writing better, but it also makes the process of writing much easier as you get used to things.

That said, specifically for natural-sounding dialogue, I tend to pay a lot of attention to how specific characters talk and try to mimic it. This came particularly naturally for me with Hazbin Hotel because the show is full of bombastic characters with really amazing voice actors and very specific styles of talking. When I write a particular character for the first time, I go back and watch various scenes that feature them, both generally and in different emotional states.

With a form of media like Hazbin, where I actually get to hear the characters speak, it honestly helps to just imagine them doing so in my head when I'm writing with whatever accent they have going on, too. Sound it out in your head: does it sound like something someone might naturally say? Why or why not? Adjust accordingly.

So, that's where I start! I diverge from there over time as my own interpretation of a character grows and changes, or I put them in different circumstances for different stories, so on and so forth. But For pretty much every fandom, it's always been very helpful for me to go back to the source material with the explicit goal of paying attention to characters' styles of speech, turns of phrase, and reactions. This is good not just for dialogue, but for characterization, especially for characters that tend to get pigeonholed into a particular archetype (for example, I frequently have to tone down how prim or "old-timey" Alastor sounds in my dialogue because he doesn't actually talk like that in canon despite the vibe of his reputation (and sometimes I don't bother, LOL)).

Last but not least, thank you very much! I'm really happy that you enjoy my dialogue. It's definitely one of my favorite things to write (if you couldn't tell by how many fics I've written that are basically two characters talking for extended periods of time), so it brings me joy to know that I succeed in making it enjoyable for others as well.

[mattodore]

birthday boy 🎂

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

FNK WEEK: day 1- song inspiration

"And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while..."

fnk week is hosted by @help-im-a-gay-fish

studio au is made by @zu-is-here

fem designs belong to me

[quaintii]

The CEO

A/N: the strip club scene from the movie, "Alice" and my dirty fantasies made me write this. I stood up for 4 hours revising this over and over so if there's mistakes, pls comment 😭 Hella long too 😭 word count is prob 4k?

Contents and warnings: breeding kink, hair pulling, choking, spanking, blackmail, remote-controlled vibrator, workplace setting, very very filthy smut <3

HEADER CREDITS ARE @mmadeinheavenn

Summary: You worked as a secretary to your CEO for a couple of months now and he was very cold to you and everyone else. You have a secret: you work as a stripper in a prestigious strip club.

You work at Alchemax main building, you're a main secretary for Miguel O'Hara, the CEO in charge. You always greet him with a happy energy every morning, though he doesn't bother to return it back. You find him very cold. You try refusing that you didn't want to take a bite out of him or for him to break you because of his tone and stern glare whenever his eyes would meet yours. The tension between you two was thick. But you ignored it. You still kept your composure whatsoever whenever you would glance at him being furious, he would lash out his anger back at you whenever a meeting didn't go through. Deep down, you enjoyed the degradation, rushing hot blood to your cunt, pulsing."Ms. L/N, seriously you have to keep up with the latest specific studies, you can't keep coming in here turning in reports that were beyond due! Are you sure you're staying focused on this job, Ms? I will have to fire you if you dare make me lose another opportunity for growth of this company." He said with an angry sigh. "Sorry, Mr. O'Hara, I've just been busy with personal issues lately and I don't mean to push aside my work, ever! I'll make sure to meet your expectations next time." You say with confidence. "Okay, one last try. Or you're fired. Get out of my office."

He said while keeping his eyes on his computer. You nod and excuse yourself, walking towards the door, he turns his eyes to your body. Eyeing you up and down. He once again sighed angrily. He wanted you badly even since you first walked through that door. He would jerk himself in the middle of the night, wanting to thrust inside your pretty cunt til you were cock-drunk. Wanting to feel your hot walls wrapping around his cock, sucking him in like a vacuum. Begging for more. He couldn't stop thinking of you. On the other hand, you still push through his grumpy side, just for the money. Besides working this job, you have a small side hustle to gain more money. You wouldn't say you're greedy, you're just meeting your own needs. You thought to yourself if you possibly had an exhibitionism kink…probably.

At midnight, you work at a high prestige strip club, teasing men with your lascivious body. You wore almost nude outfits, begging to be ripped off your brown skin. Tonight you were by far exhausted from the calculations from work, and working as a stripper helped you ease down. You would keep your identity hidden with a wig and do your makeup a different way. You placed on your blonde wig in the dressing room, you wore some black and red lingerie that was decorated with soft silky satin finishes. It was completely exposing, besides your nipples - which had nipple covers on them, hearts to be exact. One of your companions on stage came up to you, "Hey girl, guess who we have today?" "What? Those musty middle-aged men again?" You laugh off. "No..we have a vip here. He seems really hot." She giggled. "Penny, you know that VIPs wear masks right? How could one be hot while wearing a masquerade mask? I'm pretty sure you're just bluffing, don't be a tease, babe." You said while sighing. "Whatever you say, just giving a heads up that I'm going to take him tonight." She said with a squeal.

You were waiting in line for your turn to perform, though things changed as your boss said you had a pole stage all to yourself. "You're one of my favorites and I think you'll lure in the VIP, this is very big for this company, so do well." He said and walked off. Only the best could perform on this stage, as a teen you practiced a lot of flexibility and dancing. Who would've known it'd taken you here, at this moment. As you walk past the curtains, you lean by the walls, posing yourself. You walk slowly to the spotlight by the pole and do some spins and a split, opening your legs to your clothed cunt towards the audience.

Lots of woahs echo in your ears, afterall you were the best one here. You tried to remember what the chick from earlier said, you kept trying to find a man with a masquerade mask but you couldn't. Until you faced your eyes towards the low, lighted bar. He was focusing on your body and face. You sneakily changed your position to face him, swaying your hips to the song, seductively going lower and lower. You raise yourself by your legs hanging on the pole, doing some twists. The man takes a sip of some alcohol then signaling you to come towards where he was. You finished off your show and a lot of groans were heard. As you approached the man in the mask, everyone's eyes were on you. You finally see this man's figure and he was towering. You almost stumbled back because he seemed so frightening. He grabbed your wrist harshly and headed towards the vip lounge rooms. To the last row at the very end is where you were taken. "Quítate la ropa," he said with a grating tone. (Take off your clothes.)

You disobeyed him as it did seem too fast for you, so you did a little teasing. You faced your ass upfront to his crotch. Straddling him slowly with your hips. You heard light groans but nothing more than that. You figured out a way for him to get more pleased. You started giving him a lap dance. Moving your ass upfront to his face. Arching your back on the table that you laid on top. You would move your hips to the side, still teasing, but you stopped as soon as you heard a rough voice whispering in your ear, "No me hagas eso muñeca, yo no la haría si era tu. Quiero ver tu coño." (Don't do that to me doll, I wouldn't do that if I were you. I want to see your cunt.) He said while nibbling your ear. Shivers were sent down to your spine, doing so, you removed your panties and spread your legs at him. "Feliz?" (Happy?) You said in a low tone. "No, quiero que volteretas tu coño y culo a mi, corazón." (No, I want you to turn around and face your pussy and ass towards me, love.) He said with a grinning smile.

Those nicknames drove you wet to your core a bit, so you decided to push his limit. "Y que me pasó si no lo hago casó?" (And what will happen if I don't listen?) You said giggling. You suddenly gasp as you keep his bodyweight laying down on yours onto the satin sofa, feeling his crotch, a huge bulge against your ass. "No te va gustar mucho, amor." He rubbed his hips against yourself, you pushing your ass to his hips, hoping to relieve some friction on your cunt. He moved himself and slapped your ass harshly. You yelp out a moan. "¿Quién te dijo que puedes hacer eso? Yo soy quien mando, cariño. Te gusta eso?" (Who said you could do that? I'm the one in charge here, love. You like that?) He said while snickering softly.

You turn your head around and nod slowly. You bite your swollen lip, your cunt now dripping in slicked wetness. The mysterious man then placed a finger, moving them to your clit. You moan in relief. "F-fuck, please fuck me sir, please…" "Look how wet you are for me..you're such a dirty slut." He said while landing another slap on your ass, making you jerk forward and whimper. "Turn around for me." You do as he said, biting your lips, hoping for something exciting. That is until you notice his mask is off, and your blood runs cold. Your face burns up with embarrassment and you covered your cunt with your hands. "Mr.O'Hara, I didn't know it was you, how did you even find me here, I-i." He placed a finger on your lips, quickly shutting you up. "I know everything about you. Here, take this and wear it tomorrow for the presentation. If you don't, I'll have to fire you for moral turpitude. Looking like dirty, fucking, slut at night and working at my office in day like a good girl." He said, whispering into your ears.

His hot breath and voice once again sparked fire down your core. He quickly left you alone in the lounge room, leaving you to your own rapid thoughts. You couldn't stop hyperventilating from what just happened, you can't afford to get fired! Your whole record would be ruined for doing something so indecent. You couldn't hate yourself more than right now. Round the corner, a red box catches your eyes. You proceed to open it and it's a remote controlled vibrator, though the remote, you assumed, he had. You placed the pieces together and realized you had to wear this to the next presentation meeting. You couldn't let your record get ruined, let alone knowing your boss telling others of what you do at night. You had to face it and put up with it.

The next day, you kept staring at the vibrator. You were nervous, sweat droplets spreading across your face. What if it falls off during the presentation? What if someone could hear the vibrations? You kept wondering about so many endless scenarios about the 'What if.' You took a deep sigh and placed it in your cunt. It was cold against your warm pussy. It felt quite uncomfortable. As you walked to Mr. O'Hara's office, you couldn't gather the courage to even knock on his door nor look at his face after last night. But you did so anyway. "Here are the reports for today, Mr. O'Hara. I made sure they're all good for the presentation soon." You said timidly. "Perfect, thank you Ms. L/N, I hope you remember what I told you last night. Let's see how well you do today, if you fail I'll just have to fire you." He said with a cold tone but with a hint of amusement. You audibly gasped and faced him. His eyes already magnetized onto yours, eyeing you up and down.

You felt yourself getting aroused again, his sculpted features drew you in further. Your mind brings back how his crotch felt against your hips, he was rock hard and it felt heavenly. "I-I made s-sure of that, Mr. O'Hara." You kept stumbling over your words, causing you to scream inside. "Great, you can head out now." He said while grinning. Still eyeing you. You excuse yourself and quickly get out of there, you felt like there was no air in your lungs, you placed your palms on your face wondering how bad this could possibly go. You cursed under your breath.

The presentation was starting, Mr. O'Hara was doing the first couple of slides then you had the rest to yourself. Unfortunately, the presentation was 10 slides long. Many prestigious men entered the room, greeting one another. You sit by Mr. O'Hara's chair, his chair being right in the middle in the very back, facing the board. About 20 minutes pass, and it's your turn to present. "Welcome to Alchemax, I would like to provide you guys with an amazing proposal that would benefit both sides of our companies." You said while switching your eyes with the representatives and Miguel. You see something shift in his suit, and you jolt as you feel the vibrations on. You almost stumble on the floor by the unexpected vibrations. "Sorry about that, probably something I ate this morning. Stomach ache!" You say trying to brush off your jolting. You start with your first slide, glaring at Miguel whenever he would turn on and off the vibrating.

Your cunt was dripping wet. You wanted more vibrations even if you were to embarrass yourself right now and risk your job. You tried your best to pay no attention to how Miguel's eyes would light up dark red, giving you an erotic stare. As if he was unclothing you with his eyes. Watching you break all over something small, he wondered how badly you'd break around his cock, using your body like a a slut you are. As you kept speaking, the vibrations kept increasing which caused you to stutter multiple times. "Excuse me miss, is something ok?" Asked a representative. "Oh I'm sure it's just nothing, don't worry." You smile softly. You then glare at Miguel, for embarrassing you during your big project. But deep down, you enjoyed it. You coughed and continued your presentation. The vibrator started fastening more, your clit becoming sensitive as time went by. It felt like the slided wouldn't come to an end, you felt wobbly to your knees.

You tried your best to not fall and keep your professional composure. Small tears streaked down your cheeks, you had hoped they were unnoticed. You felt like coming until it finally stopped. You let out a small growl, staring at Miguel in dissatisfaction. You were finally done with your presentation which felt like ages. The moment you sat down, Miguel increased it to it's highest speed. You jolted, your nerves and blood rushing through your system. You let out a stifled moan, and proceeded to play it out as a cough. Now that you're sitting, the vibrator is hitting your clit even harder. You felt like the pleasure was going to leave you unconscious because it just felt so good. You had half-lidded eyes looking at Miguel, begging for him to stop but he just smirked at you. You bit the inside of your cheeks, drawing out blood, you kept holding in your moans and breathing heavily.

You felt like your eyes were rolling back to your head. You just rested your head on the chair's head support. Your throat felt like it was about to let out a loud moan and you choked on your saliva. You couldn't hold it in anymore, so you hurriedly left the room and ran to the bathroom. Miguel still kept the vibrator on it's highest setting which made you stumble on the way onto the floor the moment you made it to the bathroom. You placed your arms on the sink, holding yourself up as you felt your cunt pulsing and spasming around the device, finally letting out your moans. Your legs were wobbly and you finally came.

Your breathing became unstable-like, you tried your best to regulate it back. You started at yourself in the mirror, how could you do something so foolish and be caught up in this situation? You pulled off the device and flushed it down the toilet. You finally thought it was over and you could keep your job. That is until you open the door, Miguel immediately barging in and grabbing your waist towards his chest. He closed the door behind him. "God you should've seen how you looked squirming, princess. You looked adorable, you're such a good girl y'know? You should be rewarded." "Miguel, please let this be over…" You gave out more moans as he massaged your breasts. "Todavía no, cariño. Te quiero conmigo, quiero usar tu cuerpo y saber tu precioso coño.." (Not yet love, I want to be with you, use your body and taste your pretty pussy.)

He gruffed as he sucked onto your neck. "Mhmmf.. M-miguel, please…" You whimpered out. "Be a good slut for me, do that for me." He grabbed a hold of your throat, lifting towards his face. His eyes lit up with lust. Your brain was starting to fog up. "Si..Miguel..mmhgfm fuck, please fuck me Miguel." You say with a strained voice as his fingers grip your throat tighter. "Tenga cuidado con lo que pides, amor. Porque ya no puedo detenerme más." (Be careful with what you ask for, love. Because I would be able to hold myself back anymore.) You jumped and wrapped you legs around his waist and hips, his arms holding you up as you wrap your hands around his neck.

The both of you kiss hungrily each other, as if your life depended on it. Both of your lips finally left go to breathe. You stare at his lips and eyes with your lust filled, low lidded eyes. "Miguel, put your cock inside of me, p-please.." You whimper and suck on his neck. He leans his head back and he groans which makes your cunt pulse. "Sé una buena chica para mí, cariño. Quiero que me la chupes. Dios, tengo tantas ganas de cogerte ahora mismo. Mira lo que me haces muñeca.." (Be a good girl for me, baby. I want you to blow me. God, I want to fuck you so bad right now. Look what you do to me doll…) You obey and go on your knees. You lower his zipper and his boxers.

His cock springs out, the base is dark brown while his tip is a pinkish brown. It was leaking with pre-cum, begging to be sucked on. You kitten-licked the tip - teasingly by giving it small kisses on the head. Miguel looks down at you, he could barely control himself to the point he wants to throat fuck you til you can't breathe. You then take half of him in your warm mouth, swirling your tongue around his length. He grabs ahold of your head and leans back on a wall, keeping himself standing. "Mierda.. tu boca.." (Fuck.. your mouth.) He cursed under his breath. You hollow your cheeks and you take more of him as your throat relaxes. He reluctantly bucked his hips, causing you to choke. You loved how his cock tasted, how it felt full in your mouth. You started fastening and Miguel lost full control.

He grabbed your hair and bucked his hips harshly. Hid hips spasming."F-fuck your mouth feels like heaven, amor. Fuck you're taking me so well…such a dirty slut." He moaned. You looked up at him with teary eyes, the sound of sucking echoed. You were squirming and pressuring your thighs together. When you moaned, he loved how tight your throat would get. You felt that he was about to come so you hollow your cheeks even more. He looked down at you, and he finally pumped his semen down your throat, it felt hot and bittersweet. You finally detach your mouth from his dick but licking all of him clean.

It caused something in Miguel to completely break. He grabbed you up and removed your skirt and panties. He bent your back, you arched it even further as he slapped your ass harshly, making you jerk forward. He placed you In Front of a tall mirror. "I want you to look how I fuck you..how good I fucking make you feel. No one will ever make you feel this good. Your pussy is fucking mine." He says while biting on your shoulders with his fangs. He removed all of his clothes and removed your top. "Look at your fucking tits, all of me. Mierda..." He drew out blood and sucked it dry. He lines up his dick In Front of your cunt, teasing it. You couldn't wait anymore, you were too desperate for him to pound you without mercy. Making a complete mess of you til you couldn't walk.

He pinched your perked nipples, making you shiver and bite down on your swollen lip. You look at the mirror, he keeps eyeing you, he would never remove his eyes off of your body. He slapped your ass and moved his mouth to your breasts. Sucked them like it was the last time with you. You let out loud moans."M-miguel please, I want your fucking cock inside of me..please I want you inside of me so bad. P-please..f-fuck." You whimper. He smirked devilishly. "Where do you want me, cariño.." He huffed out. "Inside of my fucking pu-." You were interrupted as he slams his cock inside of you, keeping a steady pace, your throat chokes continuously on your moans, it felt so fucking good. All of the air in your lungs left, you felt him touching your insides. Your cunt pulsing and squeezing him while he pulled out and thrusted into you even harder. You placed your hands onto the mirror, gasping and moaning.

Chanting Miguel's name incoherently like a prayer. You wanted him to ruin you, you wanted to be his cum dumpster. "F-fuck mmhfm m-miguel please stop..s'too much. Fuck..aughmmhffm…" You moaned out in gasps. "Look how slutty you look, taking in my cock so good like a good slut. Such a good girl, your pussy keeps sucking me in princessa..f-fuck.." He moans. He grabs your throat, making you face yourself In Front of the mirror. Your mouth was agape, eyes rolled back to your skull, making erotic sounds that caused Miguel's cock to harden even more. Both of your bodies were sweating and heaving, making the room atmosphere thicken. You were so cock-drunk, your brain couldn't form coherent thoughts, let alone words.

The only thing you could think was his dick inside of you, deep. You arched your back even more, allowing him to dig deeper inside of your warm pussy. You felt like you were going to fucking collapse by the amazing pleasure. That was until he pulled out. "F-fuck.. I want everyone to see what a dirty slut you are." He huffed and kissed you hard. "M-miguel, what if someone sees us." You said with a worried tone. "Don't you like that? Don't you like to be seen being fucked by me, all inside your pussy, amor?" You nod and whimper. "Y-yes Miguel.." He opens the bathroom door and heads to his office, gathering all the clothes and placing them on his couch. Fortunately, no one was on the floor. He grabs you by the throat, gripping it harder. He slammed your body onto the desk, causing paperwork to fall but you couldn't care less now. Your face and tits were planted on the cold desk, sending shivers down your spine.

Miguel pulled your hips upward, making you arch. He used his fingers to separate your lips and see your glistening cunt. He inserted his fingers inside your pussy and you moaned. He took them out to taste them and he almost came from it alone. You tasted so sweet, like a forbidden fruit. Your pussy pulsated and clenched around nothing, begging for some attention. "Miguel I want your cock inside of me again, please.." You whimpered. "Be a good girl and wait." He licked your pussy up and down and rubbed your clit. You stretch your neck, feeling so good and moaning that your voice was so strained. He slaps your pussy, making you jolt forward. He then grabs you by the waist and pushed your body against the sky high windows. "I want everyone to see how good I'm fucking you..you like that don't you?" He said while smirking. "Y-yes Miguel please fuck my dirty pussy already. Fuck me til I can't breathe." You groaned.

He slammed into your cunt once again, suddenly making you let out a loud strained moan. You kept cursing and yelling his name. Your moans would only get louder as he rubbed his thumbs up and down on your clit, pressing on it hard. His other hand pinched your nipples while his mouth landed on your neck. Your back arched back to his chest, causing him to reach your soft, squishy walls that you thought were unreachable. You could barely control your body's weight. Miguel grabbed both of your hips and bent your back even more. Your face against the window causes it to fog up. His cock slammed harder inside of you, deeper. His claws deepened on your hips. He slammed up into you at a much faster pace than before, hitting all the places he knew you loved. “Eres mia... Mia y mia solo,” (You're mine, mine and mine only.) Miguel whispered into your ear before kissing the skin below it.

His voice had lost its cold underlining, whining out as his hips stuttered. Miguel's hips rocked still before he let out a soft sigh, his cum painted your walls perfectly. You writhed under his large body, riding your own orgasm as he continued to rub your clit. Coming down to a stop you sighed as your body shook at the intensity. "You're my little cum slut, aren't you? Yeah you like it when I fill your pussy up with my cum don't you?" Miguel slowly pulled out, shoving his fingers into me immediately, making my back arch. He pumped his cum back inside of my pussy. You collapse from overstimulation. You wake up a few hours later on a soft bed. An arm wraps around you. You felt warm and cared for. You look up and see Miguel sleeping. He looked beautiful. You want something to happen between the two of you and hopefully become a couple. You moved closer to him and placed a kiss on his cheek and he suddenly placed one on your forehead.

[dearanakin]

trust you | anakin skywalker: episode VI

Summary: You and Anakin have been paired to attend an event on the Jedi Temple, all because Poe Dameron insisted. The Jedi seems unprepared for the outcome of being in the spotlight, and you're faced with his vulnerabilities for the first time. (Ps: This is exactly how I imagine him during a specific scene from this chapter 🥺)

Warnings: vulgar language (as always), panic attack

Word count: 4.8k

----

Anakin:

As soon as we landed on Coruscant, we were all warmly welcomed by every person who had been waiting for us to come back from our mission. We were greeted by the engineers, other Jedi and even a few Droids, which celebrated Artoo's return as well.

I tried my best to not cringe at every hug or every handshake someone pulled at me, but I didn't want to look like a dick any more than I already do. So, I just nodded and gave them a smile before heading towards Luke and C-3PO who were waiting for me expectantly.

I rushed to my son, and he quickly pulled himself at me and wrapped his legs around my waist, slightly squeezing me with his small arms. "Hey, bud. It's good to see you".

Luke pulls back and looks at me with a big smile and I see how his big blue eyes sparkle with happiness. "You're back, dad. I wanna know everything. Did you fight the bad man? Did you shoot him? Did they die?".

His bombardment made me laugh as I shook my head from the amused remarks he made. I pull him back for another hug and feel him clinging to my neck, I could feel his energy seeping through my body. It made me feel immediately relieved from being back again.

Luke drops himself from my grip and holds my hand, looking back at the commotion that was still happening in the hangar. People were cheering for (Y/N) and Cal, exchanging hugs as Poe watched with his arms crossed against his chest. He's not really well known around the Temple, but he nods with a grin when people compliment and greet him.

I feel the little boy giving my hand a squeeze, making my eyes dart to him. "Can I go hug Miss (Y/N)? I've heard she was on the mission as well".

My throat suddenly tightened and I tried too hard to swallow. I keep looking at him like it was a hard decision to make. It didn't strike me that he would like to welcome her at all. Not after telling him many times he shouldn't be too close to anyone I didn't trust. And matter-of-factly, the little bastard loves to do the opposite as I say sometimes. My face falters and I give him an apologetic look.

"But dad, everyone is hugging her. I wanna give her a hug too!" His words stung, they felt like a stab on an open wound.

"They're all friends, buddy. We're not her friends, remember?" I crouch down to his level, trying to reason as my hand rests over his shoulder. Luke frowns over my words and Goodness Sake, I swear I can see disappointment.

"That's because you don't want me to be friends with her. I already told you she's nice to me!" He shoots an angry glare at me and diverts from my grip. Seconds later, he's running towards the group of people around the others.

I stand up huffing, shoving my hand over hair pulling the strands feeling on edge. This little shit always goes against my rules and it pisses me off. But I'm never one to punish him, for some reason it doesn't feel right to do that. My mother never did that to me either way.

Behind me, 3PO mumbled something pretty incoherent and it sounded muffled. My eyes roamed through the hangar, they landed on a shadow standing across the area. I couldn't see much from the distance, but I sensed the presence and it felt like I'd seen it before. My stomach tied to a knot and I felt the blood rising to my head. Suddenly I felt a pressure in my chest, my feet wouldn't move.

I tried to sprint to the other side of the hangar, not daring to look away from the person standing on the corner of the wall. I decided to run after them, but by the time I got there, I was met with nothing. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my sight and making sure it wasn't some kind of illusion, or a trick. I still had this feeling on my body that I knew who it was, but couldn't actually pinpoint it.

My heart was racing and hammering against my ribcage. I felt my blood pressure pick up as though I was having a heart attack. I couldn't just breathe decently, and I had to lean against the wall for support otherwise I'd drop to the floor and embarrass myself.

After a few minutes trying to calm down, my feet dragged me into the small group of people who were just having a conversation after celebrating our return. I watched as Poe was sitting on the floor talking to Luke. I swear to God this boy loves to make acquaintances with every person he sees. I'm not sure it's exactly a good idea to let him get to know other people, but I let him this time, he seemed pretty involved.

I shifted my sight and was met with Cal and (Y/N) laughing over something they were talking about. She glanced at me for a slight second, enough for me to catch her eyes before she returned her gaze to her friend. It felt different, weird to look at her after what happened back there. She didn't seem too frightened like she did before we went out on the mission.

Before we landed, Poe had invited us for a drink later that day. I tried to refuse many times, but he made sure he would convince me to go so I would get rid of my "grumpy face". I really wanted to go back to my place and get some rest, spend time with my son, and get some distraction. I just wasn't the biggest fan of going to the bar and drinking, nor do I like to interact with other people like I did before. It's plain boring to me.

-

I ended up going to the bar with Dameron, who also invited (Y/N) and Cal, obviously. Not only I didn't have the greatest time of my life, but I also had to deal with him asking (Y/N) to be my plus one at this sort of event the Temple was making.

And here I was, sitting next to her at our table for six. Cal was sitting across from us, his bored expression radiating through the place. He had a friend beside him, who was having a conversation with the nerd next to me. Motherfucking Poe was happily sipping on his glass of water, nodding to his sister.

I kept fidgeting my fingers under the table, not really interested in being at one of these events where they praise people for doing their work. In fact, I consider this such bullshit, given that we are all fighters out there. Kestis would constantly look at me like he wants to choke me to death, and I'm sure he just about planned the entire thing.

"So" Poe's sister spoke up, we all whipped our heads waiting for a response. "When did you and Skywalker start dating?"

The man next to her almost choked on his water, clearing his throat.

"What?" My eyebrows shot up in confusion and I could hear the crack in my voice. "We're not- She's not my-"

"We aren't really-" I heard (Y/N) speak up at the same time, sensing her nervousness.

"These two?" Cal chimed in simultaneously, and I glanced at him, knowing the bitterness in his tone. With a sly smirk on his face, he shook his head in amusement. "They literally hate each other".

The expression plastered over Dameron's face, I recognized he didn't know where exactly my relationship with her stands. His sister was as surprised as he was, while the dumbass sitting in front of me seemed to be having fun.

"Shut up, Cal" (Y/N) seethed through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, he likes to make up things just for his entertainment".

Is he lying, though? I wasn't the biggest fan of hers, and I surely didn't want to be at this fucking event sitting next to her. Especially if I have to face Cal on the other end of the table.

She gave Poe's sister a forced smile, clearing her throat. "We're not together. Your brother paired us for the event, but that's about it".

I shot him daggers, my eyebrows still knitted together. I'm going to have a fucking headache from this conversation. The pilot lifted his hands in surrender as his face flushed red.

"Hey, I didn't know that either. If anything, I thought they were together" He explained, pointing his index finger between (Y/N) and Cal.

It's not like it's debatable, their friendship is somewhat too strong, and they always look at each other as if they're in love. Maybe I'm seeing things the wrong way, but I'm sure Kestis definitely feels passionate about her.

Now, at least I was having some fun. The redhead in front of me blushed, his lips pursed and he huffed. I felt (Y/N) shift beside me and shove her forehead over her hand, running the fingers through her hair.

"No one is dating anybody, Poe" He seemed to be having a hard time coming up with words, I watched as Cal tried to get rid of his hoarse voice while taking a sip of his water.

"Oh, really? You always seem pretty close" I push, receiving a warning glance from him. The curve of my lips pull into a smile and I tilt my head, faking my reaction.

"No. We're just really good friends" Cal clenches his jaw and I can feel his hands turn into fists besides his body under the table.

"Then why are you blushing?" I hear myself egging him, feeling his stare burn into me. Before he could speak up again, his friend cut him off.

"Okay, let's go get something to eat!" She stood up from her chair, grabbing him by his forearm. Kestis was pissed at me by the way his eyebrows were frowning and his hands were still closed.

I wiggle my fingers as I wave at him, watching as both of them disappear through the crowd of people dancing and conversing. I noticed (Y/N) was staring at me in shock, eyes widened and arms crossed over her chest.

"You're such a dick!" She protests before leaving the table, snapping the napkin over her empty plate.

This is just great, things are going exactly how I imagined they would. Like shit, as always.

"Wow, this is like a second-hand embarrassment table" Poe muttered with a nervous chuckle.

"This was your idea!" I angrily point at him with my robotic arm and he swats it away, rolling his eyes.

"Nope, my idea was to try to have some fun. Catch up and spend time together. The 'being a jerk' idea was all yours" He playfully smiles as he taps me on my shoulder. I shrug him off, fuming.

"Fuck off" I get up from my seat and walk over the hall of the Temple. From a distance, I can see the kids playing with the nurse Droids and a few Padawans as well. At least someone is having decent fun in this fucking place.

I wander through the numerous groups of people talking, while they eat their dinner and sip their drinks. They're smiling at each other, laughing and enjoying themselves. This is why I hate this kind of event, forcing myself to get here every time and watch as they all look at me like I'm some kind of superhero. Deep, I know. They only get to see my shell, my outer behavior. No one can see or know what really happens inside my head, what I feel in my body.

They can sense the somewhat darkness seeping through my blood vessels, but I don't let anyone feel more than that. Not the intrusive thoughts, not the grieving or the sorrow, or even the hatred. I had to create a shield to protect myself from having empathy and it comes with the price of seeing people distance themselves from me. I watch as they look at me with fear, they avoid looking at me.

I'm still not convinced my team trusts me completely, but they never showed me otherwise. I've had Cal as my wingman for a couple of years now and we never really had arguments over the time, just now it seemed like I've crossed some lines when I confronted (Y/N). He's not the first person to hate my guts right now, and he sure won't be the last either. Neither will she, for a fact.

I found her leaving the ladies room just in time when she was met with my eyes roaming around the area, looking for her. (Y/N) shifted her gaze when she noticed my glance. From her demeanor, I realized she was trying to get rid of me, shoving herself among the people as she tried to blend in. My feet were quick to follow her, trying not to knock everyone down while I swimmed through the crowd. Jesus, I wouldn't take her for someone who can run that fast without having a regular exercising routine.

My hand grazed her wrists, aiming for her waist instead. The mere touch burned my skin, it was foreign after so long. It was completely odd for me to hold someone - a woman - by the waist. She turned over, trying to shove my hands off of her, not being strong enough for my fingers to slip.

"Let me go, Skywalker. Or I'll scream!" (Y/N) tried to stand at least an arm span from me. Her small hands eagerly held mine as she still struggled to get rid of my hold.

"Hey, calm down now. Let me talk for just a minute" I lowered my chin and showed some empathy before she decided to lose it and make a scene.

"I think you've said enough for today" She didn't move her hands from mine. I could feel (Y/N) was having a difficult time trusting me after the stunt I pulled, her eyes were squinted and her forehead was crinkled with annoyance.

I rolled my eyes, knowing I wasn't in the right for making excuses. I just wanted to have my fun with the guy, I didn't do any harm to him. "Look- I'm... sorry. I was an ass, I recognize that and I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed".

Her expression dropped a little, but I can see she was going to be sarcastic. She was chuckling, looking at me with taunting in her eyes. "You really had me there, Anakin. For a moment I wasn't sure you had the word "sorry" in your vocabulary".

And then, the next second, (Y/N) went back to the previous angry look, shoving both of my hands from her waist. I rolled my eyes before letting out a groan as I scratched the back of my neck. "Why make this hard and just say you don't want my apology?".

She places one hand over her waist, while pinching her chin with the other. I swear to God, I barely have any patience for this kind of game. "Huh, come to think of it, I might actually just forgive you. The way you're grimacing, it must have been really hard for you to say that word".

I watch her send me a small smile before turning on her back, walking back to our table. I must be a really bad person if people think I can't just apologize when I do something wrong.

Before I even consider taking another step, I hear my name being shot out from the small stage. Here we go again with the show. Master Yoda was sitting down on a stool, holding a microphone in his tiny green hand, waving for me to come over.

Shit.

I forced a smile, feeling everyone's eyes burn into my back as I walked towards him, immediately balling my hands into fists from instinct of self protection. I might as well have social anxiety if that's even a thing. I stood there in front of dozens of people, some were clapping their hands, some were whistling and then there was Cal, who was definitely not even masking the way his eyes were rolling.

There was a speech, which I didn't manage to listen to. I was too busy keeping my eyes on Luke as he looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes, probably proud of his father for being there. Like I'm a motherfucking God. I'm sure this place belonged to Obi-Wan more than anything, although it was obvious he would go against it just like me. Whatever Yoda was yapping about just about sounded muffled to me, and I wish I could just kill myself.

"To the bravest Jedi Master, here is to" He celebrates, extending his little arms to me as he holds a fucking medal. "Proud of you, we all are".

I hear the claps again, the cheering and the warming celebration right above my eyes. But I don't feel it, I don't agree with all the adoration and admiration. My head whips to where Luke stands, he's jumping around and celebrating his own father. My own eyes glint with gratitude for having him next to me. He's my anchor, the angel sent from heaven to help me stay whole.

"I- Uh- Thank you for the support..." I heave as I feel a lump in my throat. "But I don't think I deserve this. I'm not sure it's good enough for me" My voice barely comes out, my hands are trembling as I hold the microphone with one, while the other grips the medal.

There's silence and shuffling around the hall. I'm sure Kestis would stand up and just scream saying I suck. But it never came. In fact, the only sound echoing through the room was from running feet. When I came to realize, my boy was standing right in front of me, holding the hem of my blazer. I look down at him, there's a frown on his face and it hits me. I disappointed my child too.

"But you're the bravest Jedi Master, dad! Everyone says you're the chosen one, you deserve it" He goes through his sentence nodding at every word he says. "You're a good person, daddy. We are proud of you".

I stare at him with my jaw slack and my mind spiraling, going blank as the words freeze in my mouth. The moment I take in everything he just said, my body can't help but keep completely stagnant. Yoda protests again, saying his last words as if he agrees with Luke, but it's hard to focus on my surroundings. I just step out of this torture and get a hold of the boy, pulling him into a hug as he wraps himself around my torso.

Even with my body feeling tense, closing my eyes didn't make a difference at this point. I squinted them shut as much as I could, clinging to Luke as if it was the last thing I had to do. It still wasn't enough for me to shake off the draining feeling, nor was I able to avoid listening to the murmuring as they went back to what they were doing. My hands were still shaking and feeling numb, my eyes shooting up immediately.

I clear my throat, pulling away from him just enough to speak. It came out hoarse and strangled. "I'll be right back, alright? Get back to your friends".

My blurry vision sent a shockwave through my body and I stiffened, every cell shooting an alarming feeling straight to my brain. I shake my head, trying to make sense of what's in front of me but everything seems too distorted. My boots heavily drag me out of there, leading me to a corner where no one would bother or ask questions about me. It becomes too hard to walk, my fingertips graze the wall like it was soap, slipping through it, and I can hear my blood pumping so loud that everything else becomes a haze.

I walk into a small room, which was probably a janitor's room, dropping to my knees as soon as I close the door behind me. My first instinct is to punch the wall, release the nerves stuck on me. I can feel the sweat dripping down my neck and my forehead, my hair sticking to the damp skin. The blazer and tunic are suffocating me and I have to force myself to undress before it gets harder to breathe. I groan when I notice the numbness over my body, my heart rate quickly picking up. I pace around the small room, breaking and throwing anything I see in front of me.

Just let it out, Skywalker. It will go away. It has to.

"You're so... fucking... ridiculous!" I say to myself as I keep walking in circles, kicking and punching. My airways become smaller each breath I take and I start wheezing.

"You're lame, Anakin. Fucking. Lame" My hands fly up to my face and I start smacking myself on the forehead for reassurance.

For a second, I lean against the small shelf in front me. I can feel something shift inside of me, my eyes became extremely dry and it burned. I snapped out of my thoughts when the door - which I could've sworn was locked - opened. (Y/N) stood there, shocked to see me like that.

She doesn't even take the hint, rather than just walks in and locks the door with both of us inside the small room.

"Anakin, what's wrong?" She looks at me, worried and scared. Her hands hesitantly reach out to my arms, but I grab her wrists before they touch me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" My tone was husky from the whisper screaming and from the anger.

She shifted her eyes between mine and my trembling hands gripping her. I could still barely see, my eyelids were twitching and they felt too heavy.

"Your- your eyes" (Y/N) motioned her hands, pulling them back, placing them over her mouth. "You're-"

My knees gave out before I could fucking yell at her again. I groaned so loud that it was deafening this time, my hands pulled my hair from the roots. The hot tears started to prick and I tried to blink them away. "Get out, now!"

I felt her startle next to me, taking a step back, and it was enough for me to get myself distant from her. I didn't need anyone seeing me like this, especially her. With my eyes closed and my fists clenching hard, I sit down and lean against the wall. I rest my elbows against my knees and shove my head back against the wall multiple times.

"Go away! Go away! Go away!" I scream out, my throat burning from the action and my head throbbing from the bashing.

"Anakin! Look at me, now. Please, it's just me" She speaks through a wavering voice. I feel one of her hands resting against my flesh one, the warmth spreading through my skin.

The touch always burned, it didn't feel repelling, it just felt awkward. Strange. It was hard to accept the gesture.

I shook my head for what felt like an entire minute, my mouth mumbling incoherent words and I still leaned against the wall. Her hand hovered over my jawline and I immediately clenched it, my arm instinctively shot upwards to grab her forearm and she yelped from the sudden action. "It's okay, Anakin. No one knows".

Slowly my eyes opened to meet her face standing inches from me, respecting the distance even though her hand was barely touching my face. The gears in my head started working against my will, my nose flared in rage and I immediately wrapped her throat around my metal hand. I stood right up, pushing her against the wall as she choked with the impact. Her hands gripped my arm with mercy, she tried to gasp for air as she tried to speak.

I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel sympathetic, I didn't feel anything. All I could see right now was red and I could tell my eyes were bloodshot from how angry I was. And then her behavior shifted again by the way she was looking at me, she was panicking. She couldn't look at me just like she was doing seconds ago. I tilt my head and release her, but not fast enough to catch her before she drops to the floor on her knees. I can feel it now. I know that feeling.

The panic attacks almost never came with the deadly feeling of snapping someone's neck. And now I know why I feel the way I just did. The darkness I've been told about too many times before. If you let it in, you can't control it. It's been dormant for years, I know I feel it coming to the surface when I can't control my own emotions. This time, it was finally reaching out to the surface and breaking out of it. I stepped out and walked backwards until my back hit the wall again, watching as she stood on her feet.

"Anakin-"

I swallow the enormous pain in my throat. "You need to go". She struggled to disagree, her head shaking hesitantly. My chest was heaving, everything hurts and I'm still feeling numb as fuck. "Just go!"

It took me that long to finally break down and I did right in front of her. In front of someone I so much despised for failing to do her job and now I'm paying for being exactly who I promised myself I would be. The pain in my stomach was nauseating and I had to slump down against the wall, this time not giving a fuck I looked like a crying baby. I had too much in my head already.

She tried to hold my chin up to face her, and I watched as her hand stayed frozen only a few inches before she decided against it and carefully gripped my skin. (Y/N) stares at my soul intently, eyes roaming through my face as I hold back the urge of grunting.

"It's okay, it's not the time to be tough. I know I'm not your favorite person right now but let me help you" She tries to coax in a soothing voice.

I have the hardest time getting myself to react, as my body is still struggling against the episode I just had. I want to push her away, I want to swat her hand away from me, I hate that I feel too vulnerable to avoid any physical contact. I just can't. "I'm bad. I'm so bad" I rasp.

I can't even speak. I feel my throat burning, my skin burning, my lung burning. Every inch of my body feels like it's on fire. And I can't fight against it this time. She withdraws her hand from my face, sliding it against my robotic hand, closing it tightly. "Hey, you need to fight against it. You're still you".

I shake my head in disbelief and let out a gruff laugh. I haven't been myself in six years. I just work through it so I won't lose it. Everyday is a battle against the darkening feeling just for the sake of Luke's life, because he doesn't deserve that kind of father. He doesn't even deserve this father. "You don't know shit about me".

I expect her to back up and leave, but she stays crouched on my eye level, still gripping my hand. Her lips are pursed in a thin line, and her irises are boring into mine. I recognize that look, she's trying to figure me out, I shut it down and drop my head. "Stop it".

"They were yellow" She said in a whisper, and I shot my head up again. "Your eyes. They were-"

"I know... I've seen it happen before, once" I try to not make a big deal out of it, but there's only so much I can do about that. Because I know I can't avoid it from happening anymore.

"I'm not good. I'm not good for anyone" My confession almost came out as a sob. This time, I couldn't handle the stress and I couldn't even think about what I was going to do after what happened.

She's going to see me as a joke, as a pussy man who gets medals for being the bravest Jedi Master, while behind closed doors, he falls to his knees and cries his sorrows.

I'm not the Jedi I should be.

@jackie-on-the-loose @adorbzliz @himesuedi @kingdomhate @himesuedi @cl0esblogg @littlecoffeeadict @readingthingsonhere

[mimzy630]

Today, October 18th, I'm saying happy birthday to my favorite Psyncer, Kuruto Ryuki!

The incredible @vividcitrus illustrated my transmasc Ryuki headcanon comfortably showing top surgery scars on the beach!

More on my story below the cut :)

Ryuki is absolutely the Psyncer I see myself in the most. I love all the Psyncers and really tons of the characters in AI: THE SOMNIUM FILES and nirvanA Initiative dearly, but Ryuki is the closest one I have to a kin.

When I first met him upon starting the game, I resonated immediately; he plays the somewhat asexual-coded straight-man to Tama's sexy routine which immediately endeared me, and his fluctuations between needing to prove himself and be the one to solve the case to being severely depressed at not being good enough... Yeah! No, hello, that's me lol.

I wasn't really a part of his little fanclub before release, but oh boy did I fall hard and fast for the scuffly little cutie, and that love only grew stronger as the game went on- seeing Ryuki getting so absorbed in his job he forgets himself, seeing him so focused on one way to solve things that he has to make impossible choices, seeing him get paralyzed by choice when it matters most... Yeah! I mean yeah that's all me yeah. Not to his extreme levels of course but oh yeah no every scene with him only made me love him more.

He's just adorable... Ahhh I want to put my hands through his hair... Ahem, anyways, as soon as I finished the game I was like damn... I might have a kinnie... And I don't think I'm exactly a Ryuki Kin per-se, but I do very much see myself when I look at him.

I am also transmasc! Specifically, agender, but who knows where my journey will take me. I have a hard time struggling to think of what I want to look like; I don't have a real sense of identity much at all, let alone visual identity. Most of my self-image is a big ole void.

But I know there are certain parts of me I'd love removed LOL to I reached out to m, the artist, and we chatted- I've always had a soft spot for transmasc Ryuki and been kinda hoping someone would draw him someday, so fuck it, I decided I make it happen myself. In the process of this commission, I forced myself to really think about how I'd want to look, how my scars would look, if I wanted nipple grafts, etc., and m was super happy to work with me on all of that!

The final version, with the more understated scars following the natural curve of the pecs that go from below the armpit to mid chest and no nipple grafts, makes me actually feel good... Like, hey, maybe someday I too could be topless on a beach, smiling and confident... It's a far-off dream that I have to save a lot for, but hey... That murky swirling void in my head has cleared up just a little bit, enough for me to be able to see a happier future for myself, and that's everything really.

I know I'll never look like Ryuki exactly, there are a lot of obstacles to this, but at the very least, when I find money and a surgeon, I can say "that. That's how I want to look, and that's how I'd feel looking like that." Which is more than I've ever been able to do! Dysphoria is my constant companion, but euphoria tends to elude me... @vividcitrus turned the tables on that!

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 28

Hello! This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I'm so grateful for everyone who's still reading this little big story. Longest thing I've ever written. It caps out at nearly 60k words. I want to thank the people who have been reading this since day one and all the people that joined us for the ride along the way.

I love reading your comments and theories. I especially loved reading the freak outs over cliffhangers and the abuse I piled on our poor boys. But I am a sucker for happy endings.

Also a little treat for @goodolefashionedloverboi who wanted this way back in part 21.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 Pt 10 Pt 11 Pt 12 Pt 13 Pt 14 Pt 15 Pt 16 Pt 17 Pt 18 Pt 19 Pt 20 Pt 21 Meta Pt 22 Pt 23 Pt 24  Pt 25 Pt 26 Pt 27

***

“Steve!” Robin called out. “Your boyfriend is here!”

Steve came running out of the back room. His grin nearly split his face in two.

He lifted Eddie up and spun him around. Eddie laughed out loud.

“Put me down, you menace!” Eddie said between gasps of giggles.

Steve gently put him down. And then kissed him right in front of Robin.

Who promptly fake gagged.

“Shush you,” Steve said. “You should be grateful I didn’t let him keep me in bed this morning.”

Robin gasped. “Betrayal! And in front of my coffee no less!” She covered her coffee with her hands as if to shield it from the scene in front of her.

Eddie laughed. “Sorry there Birdie, it was a very near thing. I had to be bribed!”

She shook her head. “Go on, get! Before you ruin my coffee with your sugary sweetness.”

Steve and Eddie just smiled and walked back to Steve’s room, hands in each other’s back pockets.

Once they got to the room, Eddie was all over Steve. Hands tangled in his hair, lips on that perfect mouth. Gripping the back of Eddie’s shirt was all he could do to keep upright.

“Baby,” Eddie whined when they finally broke apart. “I missed you so much. I promise to never leave you like that again.”

Steve nuzzled their noses together and sighed happily. “I know, Eds. I missed you too.”

Eddie stepped back to take off his shirt and Steve scanned over the expanse of his chest.

Eddie caught the look and grinned. “No new tattoos, sweetheart. I don’t trust anyone else but you.”

Steve blushed. “That’s nice to hear, beautiful. But I was just ogling my boyfriend.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, okay that’s fair.” He walked over the chair and straddled it, resting his head on his folded arms.

“Let’s get this bad boy done, shall we?” Steve sighed happily.

“Sure thing, darlin’,” Eddie murmured. “Can’t wait.”

Steve started up his gun and got to work. All the while they chatted about the lighter stuff of the last three weeks. Eddie caught up on all the shop gossip.

“Honestly,” Steve said, “if Robin doesn’t pick soon, she’s going to be in the world’s most awkward polycule.”

Eddie laughed. “She’ll figure it out. But I guess Birdie really has a thing for redheads.”

Steve chuckled too. “Oh, yeah. Pretty much always had. Except once with Nancy back in high school. But that was more a ‘everyone had a crush on Nancy’ thing then a specific crush.”

Eddie hummed. “You said you had a thing for curly haired smart people with soulful eyes. You were talking about me too, right?”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “Oh yeah. I’m not a subtle person when it comes to my crushes. Pretty much everyone figures it out before I do. Except in your case. I’ve had a crush on you since high school.”

“Me too, Stevie.”

“It’s about time we got our heads out of our asses, then.”

Eddie murmured his agreement and they settled into a comfortable silence.

*

Robin was still going to kick Eddie’s ass for making Steve sad for two weeks, but after hearing it from him how much he hated touring and how much he missed Steve, she forgave him for the most part. He sounded like he had been more miserable than Steve and that was honestly saying something.

So she went to Corroded Coffin’s return concert at the Nightmare Holes and cheered loudly for them.

She also knew she had to chose between Chrissy and Vickie soon otherwise they were going to have a cat fight.

But Robin didn’t want to chose. She liked the attention from both girls plus it would be super awkward if she chose Vickie and Chrissy stayed at the shop. But it would also be awkward working with Vickie at the front desk if she picked Chrissy.

It was a mess.

But then a lightbulb dawned over her head. Maybe she didn’t have to chose.

She spoke to them on their way to the club and ended up dancing with both of them all night.

*

Steve waved at the rest of the band as Eddie dragged him to his car, eager to get back to Steve’s apartment.

Steve laughed as Eddie shoved him into the passenger seat of his own car and got in the driver’s seat.

“Someone’s in a hurry there,” Steve teased.

“Stevie darling,” Eddie said. “I am vibrating out of my skin here with anticipation and if I don’t see that tattoo of yours soon, I’m might go absolutely feral. Do you understand?”

He laughed. “Yeah, baby, I hear you.”

Eddie breathed out and drove to the apartment. They walked up the stairs and once the door was closed behind they were all over each other. Hands and mouths all over as they tumbled onto the sofa.

Shirts were the first to fly, Steve careful with Eddie’s still healing tattoo.

“Baby,” Eddie whined. “Is your tattoo healed?”

Steve wiggled underneath him. “For the most part, it’s been about two weeks.”

Eddie let out another whine. “This won’t hurt you?”

Steve shook his head. “The scab is already gone. I heal fast.”

Eddie undid Steve’s jeans and slid them down his legs. He looked up at Steve for permission for the final layer of clothes to be removed. Steve nodded and lifted his hips for Eddie to slide off his underwear.

Eddie gasped when he saw it.

His thumb gently rubbed over the tattoo. It wasn’t very large, about the size of a half dollar. It was a simple heart with bat wings and a little crown.

“Baby, is this us?” he asked, breathless.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, do you like it?”

“I love it, sweetheart,” Eddie whispered. “And when my back is done, I am going to get it done on me, too.”

Steve’s eyes glistened with happy tears. “Okay, yeah. Suddenly I need that.”

Eddie kissed him deeply. “Me, too. I need you so much.”

They got Eddie’s pants and underwear off and Steve moaned at the long, graceful lines of his boyfriend’s lean body.

“Fuck, Eds,” Steve murmured. “I can’t wait to taste you.”

Eddie threw his head back and moaned. They had to be careful with Eddie’s still healing back, but they managed to make do and had a great time.

Once they had cleaned up and dressed, Steve began making dinner.

“So how did your meeting with Murray Bauman go?” he asked as he fried up the chicken for fajitas.

“It went great,” Eddie said. “Cec is still going to bring the contract to one of his law professors to make sure he didn’t miss any hidden bullshit, but yeah. It seems like Corroded Coffin is going to make an EP.”

Steve hummed. “And that different than a full record, right?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, nodding. “It’s about five songs. But it’s what most new artists get. The record company doesn’t want to spend a boat load of money on an LP only for the band to not go anywhere.”

“That makes sense,” Steve murmured. “And you guys are going to keep working at the Nightmare Holes?”

Eddie nodded again. “Yeah, and if the record hits big, we can renegotiate our contract with Rick to get more money each week.”

“That’s great,” Steve said with a smile.

“And you and your genius schedule is going to work out great,” Eddie said with an answering grin. “They’ll even send a car for us every time, too.”

“Wow,” Steve said. “That’s awesome. Looks like I’m going have a rockstar boyfriend.”

“A perfect compliment to my tattoo artist boyfriend.”

Steve came over to where Eddie was seated at the table to kiss him. “Perfect indeed.”

They had dinner and sat down to watch a movie. They curled up on the sofa and just enjoyed each other’s company. Like they had so many times before.

Other than the sex, they were still Eddie and Steve. They still enjoyed the same movies, food, and music that they did before they got together.

They were just finally on the same page.

Once the movie was over, Eddie pulled out his guitar.

“You ready for this, baby?” he asked as Steve turned to face him on the couch.

Eddie played the first song he wrote on the road, the one that made Jeff and the others cry.

Tears streamed down Steve’s cheeks, too. “I’m sorry you were so lonely, Eds. I’m glad you’re home now.”

“Me too, sweetheart,” he murmured. “But I think you’ll like this one more.”

And he play the most beautiful, heart-stoppingly romantic song Steve had ever heard and it was for him. About them. And he was crying for a completely different reason now.

“Sunshine,” Steve said through his tears. “That was amazing. They both were. Thank you for sharing them with me.”

Eddie kissed him fiercely over the guitar. “Just you wait, Stevie. You’re going to get a life time of sappy love songs.”

“And I’ll cherish every single one.”

They got ready for bed and snuggled up together, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

*

The next morning led to morning sex, showers, and breakfast, never too far apart.

They were getting ready for a walk in the park when they got to witness a Robin Buckley walk of shame.

She opened the door and jumped when she saw them. “Shit!”

Eddie and Steve shared a glance.

“And what time do you call this, young lady,” Eddie teased.

Robin blushed all the way to her roots. She pulled out her phone. “Uh...11:13am?”

Eddie cackled as Steve grinned.

“And which lovely lady did you go home with last night?” Steve asked.

Robin’s blush deepened. “Both?”

Eddie and Steve glanced at each other again.

“You want to repeat that?” Eddie asked.

She shrugged. “I couldn’t decide. And Chrissy had hit on Vickie before, which lead to us talking to Vickie and once it was made clear that it wasn’t just a one time threesome she decided she was down for poly relationship.”

Eddie and Steve both held up their fists for her to bump and she fist bumped them both at the same time.

“You go girl!” Eddie crowed.

“Hell, yeah, Robs,” Steve said. “That’s awesome!”

“Where are you two love birds going?” Robin asked.

“Just for a walk in the park.”

“Have fun.”

***

Epilogue

Tag list: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@bookworm0690 @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @aizawa-emma @yikes-a-bee @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @archermightbegay @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @hallucinatedjosten @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bestwifehaver @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @oldwitcheshat @nightmareglitter @tinyplanet95 @novelnovella @jonesn4coffee @slowandsteddie @awkwardgravity1 @steaddie-on

[demonslayedher]

Things that went through my head while watching this episode: --"it's so nice to be able to get wrapped up in this and know about I'm about to get new content" was certainly something that went through my head by the end of the episode, but I was also reminded of how it felt a little too drawn out and over saccharine, and how the extra long length of this episode did not feel it served it fully well. I've come to be more forgiving of the excess happy fluff at the end of this season, and I will defend it as follows, but I still would have preferred they reign it in a little so we don't forget about how hard-won that battle was with how chipper and energetic everyone is.

--But you know what? They deserve it. They are functioning on the rush of relief, and it took a while for them all to gather down there on the grass. Like, it's kind of sweet that the people who first got to celebrate this victory with the Kamado siblings were a trio of swordsmiths who would have felt awful if Nezuko had to die on their accord. These weren't even swordsmiths whom Tanjiro hung out with much, but their lives were just as worthy.

--It was nice to see the group celebration expanded on a bit, but I think what got me feeling like it was overdone was seeing Mitsuri be overwhelmed with gratitude specifically on Nezuko's behalf too, since she was the one not to witness the peril Nezuko was in. I feel it was enough to have have Mitsuri be relieved on everyone's behalf, and to have her be shocked that Nezuko is there in sunlight, which is cute and funny. No need to quite rehash what Tanjiro has just momentously been through. And this is coming from some who really, really loves Mitsuri & Nezuko interaction. It would have been totally in-character to have left Mitsuri blissfully unaware of how awful Nezuko's experience was unless someone point-blank tells her that Nezuko almost didn't make it. Then the extra gratitude specifically for Nezuko would feel earned.

--And my gosh, Ufotable, you sure sold Nezuko's pain. I am still so impressed.

--I also initially did not like just how playful it is to have Nezuko and Tanjiro running away from Haganezuka, because it takes me out of how much peril they were just in. But hey, if there are two characters who are totally fine, it is Nezuko (the being the point that she is way more than fine) and Haganezuka (who will always have energy for enacting sword justice).

--But hey, besides that? Sure, it's pleasant to see them be so happily relieved. This isn't even "we defeated two Upper Moons" triumph, it's just "we're alive, Nezuko is in the sun, Muichiro remembers things, we're alive, we're alive, we're alive." Like, a littttle bit more "WHOA, THOSE WERE UPPER MOONS" like after defeating Gyutaro & Daki would have been nice.

--And like........ that whole final scene... it has its very cute points, just getting to see the swordsmiths interact more since this was their season to have some well-deserved spotlight, both for the work they do and as characters. But it played that "everyone loves Kamado Tanjiro (but he never takes the credit)" note a little too loud. Some things play more nicely with subtlety, but hey, Ufotable wanted to go out with a triumphant statement. I want to be forgiving of that, but... those villagers were busy trying to hurry out of that village. : / And I really hope that Genya, Muichiro, and Mitsuri got the same treatment, but I doubt anybody went collecting confetti each time.

--So anyway, setting those grievances aside!!

--MUZAN MONOLOGUE. Like, it was good, but it always give me flashbacks to Nomura Mansai's Muzan monologue in the Noh rendition, which was chilling. Still, this anime version was great, and I love me all those extra touches they expanded his Heian life with. Muzan isn't all that complicated of a villain. He was always spiteful human who wanted to take out his frustration by destroying other people. Then he got power, but spending half of his time on the brink of death for a thousand years is like being spit in the face. Sure, you're powerful, buddy, until somebody opens a window. And I like that Muzan is uncomplicated. It's his utter disregard for others that made him a villain in the first place, and he has never and will never change.

--And that is why one of my favorite Muzan moments ever is how he doesn't even both to pick his feet up or step around the two corpses on the floor as he exits the room. Other people really are nothing but furniture to him, and that little action--or lack of action, rather-- speaks so loudly about his character.

--Imagine how different the rest of the series would have been if Hantengu's head didn't spin in Nezuko's direction?

--Nezuko's victory over the sun deserves how much it got milked, because in the context of the series, she had in fact made the greatest achievement of any character in this series. Sure, Tanjiro has just killed Upper Moon Four, but it only took the Corp a little over a hundred years to accomplish killing an Upper Moon. Nezuko, within three years of being turned into a demon, has accomplished what Muzan has failed to do for over a thousand years. What's more, this is entirely through Nezuko's own power; there was no one who could have helped her accomplish this. Tamayo could only observe with wonder.

--Truly, Nezuko has "prioritized" this over, say, reattaining her sense of self. I see Nezuko's demon development as being a bit infantile. When she was first "born," so to speak, she was not aware of herself as an individual being, only that she hungered, and that she had just undergone some terrible loss, and that Tanjiro was all she had left. After a little sleep it got easily to process that Tanjiro was someone who she understood, and even as she started to gain some sense of self, it revolved around Tanjiro and his welfare. Listening to Urokodaki and Tanjiro as she slept, and perhaps seeing memories of her family as she dreamed probably put together something more basic, but she probably did not remember anything more than her family's faces and how deeply she cares about them. I think little by little as she started gaining more of an awareness of others as individuals and appreciating that there is more in the world she enjoys than just her brother's wellbeing, she probably gained more and more of an understanding of being someone named Nezuko and having a mission to fight demons with everyone else she has come to care about, and with, a high level of ability to understand language, but because she had the muzzle this whole time, she had no need to try to use words herself, so she didn't prioritize this either.

--I bring that all up just to say that she might have (without words) been thinking, "oh, I know what this is called. This is 'morning.' People are supposed to say something, what it is? Oh, right! Gu--gOoD mOrnNinG~"

--And then it's like, "OH, I CAN COMMUNICATE!!! THIS IS FUN!!!!! NEW POWER!!!"

--So proud of you, Nezuko

--I like that Ufotable stressed her daytime eyes still looking very inhuman. It stresses how something is still very off about her existence. Nobody is used to seeing a daytime demon. (I prefer her nighttime eyes, though.)

--But also that is such Kimetsu Logic to do a thing and then explain the thing without spoiling it. Thank you for your letter, Tamayo-san.

--Now, Tanjiro, though. You know that he's making it harder and harder to uphold Corp rules about what makes a Pillar. Haha, no, Tanjiro is no Pillar! He only cut the heads off those Twelve Moon demons because he had Pillars helping him! Haha, somehow he is still the same rank as Zenitsu and Inosuke after chopping the head off Upper Moon Four! (Zenitsu and Inosuke, what the fresh hell have you two been up to in order to match rank with Tanjiro???)

--But also, it is wicked cool how Tanjiro is just turns the Mark on now like a lightswitch, and that Ufotable switches up in the animation in a way that shows he's going at full throttle. (Meanwhile, our Marked Pillar friends looked just a little more blithe than their usual blithe selves.)

--I find it totally legit that he could suddenly use Thunder Breath, since Sun Breath is the source of all of them, so the concepts would be the same anyway.

--Those last hits Tanjiro gets in on Hantengu too, very cool. I love how many tries it takes to get that hit, too! Hantengu is full of surprises and I have come to appreciate him a lot more over the course of this rewatch. If I ever, say, get a skiddish hamster, maybe I'll name it Hante or something.

--Love the sound design on the mountain setting, especially when Muichiro calls out to Tanjiro from up on the cliff. That sounded SO GOOD in the theater.

--Also, just, a huge shout out to all of Ufotable's construction of settings. Really, really, wonderful.

--And the sounds on SUCH A REALISTIC PANIC ATTACK, and movements, right now to how Tanjiro's fingers shake. Man, way to stress me out. I sort of what to speed it all up to see how quick this all went down as Tanjiro was panicking, but the only parts that were really slowed down were watching Hantengu run. It was all so painfully slow and was all happening too fast. What an awful moment.

--and I can't wait for Tanjiro to reflect back on that when talking with Himejima

--This episode was Nezuko's biggest triumph, but at least for a few moments, it was also Tanjiro's biggest loss.

[gyuluttony]

hello i love your fics and neeeeeed!! more yeonjun wg in the world; maybe a freshman 15 (or more ;) ) wg? where yeonjun takes a break from dance classes for a semester or the summer and doesn’t focus on his diet, does even notice anything has changed until his pants are weirdly getting tighter and tighter, maybe eventually he goes back to dance classes kilos heavier and is surprised when he can feel.. his belly? jiggling? that he’s never felt before.. and everyone is noticing their ace has gained some weight

i've been cooking this one quietly because i always love to write yeonjun gaining,,, when he's been my number one ult for like three years. that's usually why i throw him down the gain train for all the txt fics SDFJSDF

so i've been excited for this request and i hope you enjoy it hehe (i'm also lowkey yeonbin trash so don't be surprised if they're the only pair i write for him sDFJSDF)

also an apology because holy shit i kind of go off on a tangent before filling this request properly SDFJSDF

Honeymoon Weight

This is a feederism fic and features weight gain, breaking of clothes, unintentional weight gain, and smut. Don't like, don't read.

It was pretty commonplace to receive flowers following a dance recital. When someone had worked their way to the top of the dance team and become the de facto leader as well as ace, most of the flowers were praises for a semester of hard work and just people who had fell for the way that he performed on stage.

His solo on stage had taken the more sensual route so flowers were expected... but what he didn't expect was a single extravagant bouquet from one person. One man who looked like his face was about to explode in flames.

Although, he was fairly certain that he didn't look all that different, covering his face with his hand as he looked away shyly.

"Oh my god, Soobin hyung actually did it." Yeonjun looked at Kai rather flustered who awkwardly started whistling and looking anywhere but their little scene. He could feel the dance team behind him, giggling about it.

"I don't think I've seen Yeonjun oppa that red and we've had some pretty intensive practices this semester."

"Oh, is that the hyung that always comes to pick him up after rehearsals? I thought they were dating."

"Finally. Do you know how long that Yeonjun hyung-" Yeonjun's head turned back to shoot a glare at Beomgyu specifically who put his hands up defensively, an indicator he'd stop talking as he smiled. The little brat seemed to enjoy pointing at Soobin.

Which was fair. Yeonjun hadn't said anything as he looked at the taller man.

"Ah, Soobinnie... thank you so much. I thought you weren't..." They had discussed it earlier. Soobin said he might miss the recital because he had an exam to study for and it was one of the many traits that he loved about the younger man. Even if he was disappointed, he would miss the performance.

He had been so invested he didn't see Soobin enter midway through the performance and he probably would have stumbled on stage seeing that large of a bouquet.

"Hyung, I wouldn't miss it for the world." The coos from behind him were ignored as he felt his face flush a little deeper, "I really like watching you dance... but I also just like you in general."

Yeonjun laughed, the smile splitting his face as he covered it with his hands, "Ah, wait a minute. You can't just ambush me with that after this long." Although, the hands that snaked around his waist and feeling the bump of Soobin's belly pressing against his thin waist made him feel weak.

"I'm serious, hyung. I like you." Yeonjun looked at him in the eyes, seeing the serious intent as his mouth opened, slightly agape before he cupped his cheek with the now free hand and pulled him into a tender kiss.

The choice to ignoring the hollering behind him was strong until Beomgyu told them to get a room and then he was ambushed by the new happy couple.

-

For the first time in his four years at college, he never really took the summer off for the dance team. But, there was a lot of work to be done. Mostly rearranging his apartment with Soobin. Considering the two of them lived together prior to becoming a couple, they wanted to organize it to suit them better now that they were a couple.

Originally, Yeonjun planned to manage both but the conversation was pretty present on his memory. "Hyung~" The sound of Soobin whining filled their space as Yeonjun washed the dishes from their meal. "You can trust your team to be fine while you rearrange everything..."

Drying his hands, the older man walked over, sliding rather naturally onto Soobin's lap, the plush thighs providing a comfy space as his hands cupped his lover's soft cheeks as he was pouting at Yeonjun. A small kiss to him as he looked rather pleased, "Do you want me to take a break that badly? This is going to be my last summer with them... and we're going to have a lot of summers together in the future."

He enjoyed seeing the way that Soobin smiled at the comment before he added, "Well... you're right about both of those but no one is stopping you from helping them after you graduate. But, we only get one first summer together..." Soobin grew a little more shy as he added, his hands resting on Yeonjun's hips, "And... I might have wanted to take you with me when my family goes on a cruise."

Yeonjun's eyes widened. It's not like Soobin's parents didn't know and love him but the family cruise that they went on every year? He usually missed his best friend significantly during that time. "Binnie, are you sure? I know you miss me but I don't want to intrude-"

Soobin looked awkwardly, "They're inviting you... It's not like they didn't know I had a crush on you and they're happy that they can finally get the family of four discount." A laugh come from Yeonjun before he hugged him tighter, hands sinking in a little closer to Soobin's soft body as he felt his lover's hands move to his perky behind.

It'd be a first in terms of not leading his dance team through the summer but Beomgyu should get the hang of it since he was the prospect as the next captain.

The team was rather sad to hear he wasn't going to be helping them for the summer showcase but he promised that he would be there since it was right before classes began again. Beomgyu in particular looked rather excited, "Don't worry, hyung. We're going to do a number that will have you jealous you didn't participate!" The smile from the elder as he ruffled his hair roughly was only widened as cried out for help.

-

Yeonjun lounged around their apartment on the couch as he examined. It didn't take all that long to move everything into place and most of the time that he wasn't at work, he was wondering if he could have just attended the dance practices as usual.

But at the same time, Soobin seemed to have some date planned. He hadn't really pegged the young man as a romantic, but considering they did something almost everyday from the other man's plan, it was hard not to fall deeper in love with him.

The restaurant they first ate out at when Soobin started to attend the same university as him, at home dates where he'd get all of their favourite dishes to share, other date activities like laser tag, mini golf, or just movie nights. They spent a lot more time together considering Yeonjun wasn't spending lots of time in the dance studio these days.

As he walked to Soobin's room, he watched the younger man game before he moved into the space of his chair rather naturally, sitting on his lap. Any creak from the chair was flushed out by the noise of surprise that came from his lover as he smiled. "Was I taking too long? The game is almost done."

Yeonjun shook his head, "I just wanted to sit here." Settling on his thighs, his hands squeezed him teasingly as Soobin sighed into his ear. He saw the mute button pressed in the corner of his monitor as he slid down again, a small whine coming from his boyfriend before he knelt in front of him. "Are you going to stay muted? Don't you have to do call outs or something?" He was getting more familiar with the terms but the kiss on the bulge of his shorts made him twitch as Yeonjun smiled at him.

Soobin looked rather conflicted as he unmuted, sensing the sort of vibe from his boyfriend and began to say some things about what the other team might be doing as he slid down his shorts, the length sort of popping out as Yeonjun glanced at it. Had he gotten smaller? He touched his crotch as Soobin whimpered before apologizing to his friends. It felt softer than it had before. Maybe he'd gotten bigger.

His boyfriend was a victim of the freshman 15 and it was only expedited with how he shamelessly asked his boyfriend for meals during his first year. And Yeonjun was happy to spoil him but he didn't expect him to get bigger. His stomach was already pretty comfortably on his lap but it's not that he didn't mind it. Quite the opposite really. The feeling of his boyfriend's heavier body pressing him into the mattress was one of the highlights of their sex life and he told him in earnest that he didn't need to hold back because he wanted that sort of feeling of being pressed down.

So, knowing he was getting bigger? Yeonjun felt himself twitch in his pants before taking his whole length in his throat. Bobbing back and forth while Soobin tried to talk through it was one of his favourite hobbies when it came to spoiling him. Sinking his hands into plush thighs, he made sure that his lover couldn't move back while he struggled to play.

"Ah, I died!" Soobin seemed to exclaim as Yeonjun smiled before continuing to suck him off, the complaint no longer valid when Soobin knocked his head back, biting his fist to stop from moaning as he struggled to mute himself as he looked at his hyung who continued to service him without a second thought. "Hyung~" The whine was complaining but his gaze was thankful for the act, "That was an important game~"

Yeonjun moved back with a pop, enjoying seeing how his boyfriend shuddered at the sight, "Should I stop then?" Soobin looked at the screen hesitantly while Yeonjun smirked, feeling one hand move to his locks as he moved him closer to his dick again, "N-no. I can do both... please keep going."

He watched Soobin unmute, a little excited with how he seemed to be confident in himself as he moved his hips forward a little, grinding in his spot while Soobin moved forward, the gut hitting his forehead as Yeonjun moaned a bit around his length. Soobin's tone with his friends sounded more out of breath while he continued to suck.

Before long, the game finished as Soobin hurriedly left the call and placed his hands on Yeonjun's face, stroking his cheek. "Hyung, I'm gonna-" It didn't take much longer before he felt his mouth filled as he swallowed it, taking the load perfectly even with the short warning.

They were rather comfortable in their domestic bliss and after Yeonjun brushed his teeth, he asked, "Where did you want to go for dinner today?"

-

Yeonjun collapsed on the bed in a heap as he groaned. He hadn't known that most of the time on cruises, the most that you could do was eat. He wasn't sure if he was looking too hard at him after those cruises before, but now he was sure of it. Soobin usually did get heavier after those sorts of things and it was already showing at how he sort of waddled back to their shared room, almost amused at the state that Yeonjun was in.

"I told you they were good, weren't they?" He looked at his boyfriend's gut which was starting to hang out of the bottom of his shirt. It was hard not to drool but his own stomach didn't seem eager to do anything right now as he sank into the bed.

"Too good. Oh my god, I don't think I can move today." The bed creaked and groaned as Soobin lied down next to him, his gut pressing into his boyfriend before he felt the chubby hands rubbing his stomach as he groaned in relief at the pressure. "Don't stop, Soobinnie. Your hands are like magic..."

A giggle came from his boyfriend as he continued to massage Yeonjun. "Would now be a bad time to tell you that they change their special everyday?" He laughed rather hard seeing his boyfriend snap his head at him.

"We have to go then." The cruise was a month long which meant that he had time to try different things. And that restaurant by far was his favourite.

Soobin's fingers combed through his hair adoringly, "There's still the dessert bar we haven't tried either." He patted Yeonjun's stomach who groaned before he started massaging again.

"If you keep working your hands like that, we can go in an hour or two. It's all-night service, isn't it?"

-

As the cruise made a stop over, Yeonjun was struggling. He had an outfit ready for when they docked but as it turned out, maybe there had been a flaw with the laundry that they were doing because it almost felt like everything was struggling to fit on him.

He felt Soobin come from behind him and press into him. His stomach on his back as Yeonjun looked at him. "I think they messed up my laundry." It invited his boyfriend admiring his figure before he smiled.

"If you're fine with a baggier look, you can just borrow my clothes." It worked out well since Soobin adopted his style since they started living together, so it's not like it was out of his taste anyways. He dressed baggy most of the time anyways, so this was rather comfortable. Plus smelling his boyfriend on the clothes definitely added to his enjoyment of the fact.

"Ah, you're the best, babe. I'll show my thanks later." Yeonjun winked as his boyfriend flushed as if they hadn't done worse at this point.

Although, following this dock, the trend was that Yeonjun just started wearing Soobin's clothes. They both enjoyed how he looked wearing Soobin's clothes and it made them more excited when they got back to the privacy of their room with the way Soobin always seemed to pounce on him. He wasn't ever as lethargic after eating all day like he was on the first week so they were able to do a lot more.

The last night of the cruise specifically stood out. Getting their fill completely and when they made their way back to the room, it was hard to stay off of each other. Yeonjun wearing a button up that completely drowned him since Soobin was a lot bigger than he was as they fell onto the bed.

"Wait, Soobinnie, let me..." He was quieted with a kiss as Soobin stripped, the stretchmarks on his belly an angry red as Yeonjun admired his boyfriend's large figure.

"No, hyung. Let me tonight. You had a lot so I can do more." A chill ran down his spine while he felt Soobin prepare himself, sitting down heavily on Yeonjun's thighs, suffocating in the bed as he guided Soobin closer to kiss him while the sound of him stretching himself out with lube filled the room's sounds.

Despite his boyfriend's own gluttony, he was a lot more mobile compared to Yeonjun who leaned on him while they were leaving the buffet and it showed with how well he rode, almost mirroring the way that Yeonjun was able to do it to him. Grabbing thickened thighs, Yeonjun's head rocked back while his boyfriend's body jiggled with each small movement.

An end to their first summer together with an explosive finish. Yeonjun definitely would have to stick around for the cruise next year.

-

True to his word, the number that Beomgyu organized had him itching to go back into the dance studio and Soobin patted him on the hip as he dropped him off, waving before heading to his classes for the day.

"Welcome back, hyung!" The members of the team seemed rather eager for him to settle, even bringing a cake that they happily snacked on before they began their practice.

Beomgyu in particualr was eyeing him a lot but he didn't really pay it any mind when they began stretching. Simple warm ups to make sure they were ready to dance but the room felt slightly colder as he looked at the rest of his teammates.

Oddly enough, they all sort of avoided eye contact when he looked at them before they switched positions. Halfway through, Yeonjun was a little more aware of the way he felt out of breath. Most of the time, he could lead warm ups just fine so he wasn't sure what was happening today.

While they learned the choreo, the cold feeling never really left before Beomgyu awkwardly scooted closer to him as he whispered, "Uh, hyung. your belly is sort of peeking under your tank top." The words sort of splashed over him like cold water.

He hadn't really ever heard that word directed to him. He knew Soobin was bigger and his gut was something that he'd call a belly but in his mind, he wasn't that size so he had always had an abdomen... until he looked at himself now.

That trim middle that he had when he first got together with his boyfriend was nowhere in sight. Completely exploded with fat, Yeonjun was now suddenly aware of the way the mass jiggled when he tucked it into his tight pants. It seemed that just about every part of him was hit with this sort of weight gain.

The rest of the practice was distracting. Constantly needing to tuck in his mass into his clothes that he was spilling out of. The glances that were following his every jiggle and just how much he'd let go in that honeymoon phase with Soobin.

If Soobin had gained the freshman fifteen and then some, Yeonjun was almost certain he did most of that gain in a fraction of the time. The stretchmarks he had seen in the mirror looked horribly angry in comparison to the ones that he saw while Soobin rode him.

Some of the dancers definitely found it distracting and Beomgyu even squeezed his chest playfully, saying Soobin must have been having a lot of fun before he swatted him away. That made him wonder if Soobin had known about it this whole time... it's not like it made him unattractive because it was just weight but was he enjoying the way Yeonjun was completely unaware of it?

He'd have to put it to the test.

-

It was a little funny to act innocent of it now when they reached the weekend.

He was eating a lot less compared to the summer but Soobin basically made sure to keep him well fed throughout their dinners to make up for it... basically confirming with Yeonjun that he enjoyed the extra padding.

The touches that he didn't really notice before like Soobin fondling his own gut and shaking it, squeezing his plumpened ass and thighs. He was actually pretty bad at making it subtle but it's not like it'd be a secret after tonight.

Wearing old clothes was a choice considering nothing fit anymore and Yeonjun regularly stole Soobin's clothes which were starting to fit comfortably instead of oversized. But, the button ups that had no business being on his frame were what would get Soobin's attention.

They had gone back to their favourite restaurant and the mood seemed to shift as Yeonjun put Soobin's hands on the space between the buttons. "Soobinnie, I think I broke my shirt..." His boyfriend seemed to short circuit, trying to stammer out a response before Yeonjun added, "If you order another plate, I might even break my pants..."

He moved Soobin's hands down the swell of his gut with a smile, feeling the taut button as he watched him exhale shakily before looking at him with hungry eyes.

This was definitely a new layer to their relationship but given how he was getting excited by showing off his own gluttony to his boyfriend, he'd probably just need to adjust the routine. Only Soobin would get the luxury of seeing how he'd jiggle from overexerting himself.

And with the way he ordered two plates of food after he already broke his shirt, this was going to be something he'd need to get used to.

[sessakag]

I just wanna say that I absolutely LOVE Butterfly. It’s kinda the only fanfic I care about at the moment lmao I am LOCKED IN. The story itself is great, all of the characters (even the ones everyone hate rn) are interesting, the writing is phenomenal…I could go on and on.

I have a few thoughts I wanted to get out of my head. These aren’t suggestions (cuz it’s your story and I trust where you’re gonna take it), it’s moreso just kinda be me rambling lol:

Sasuke- I know you’ve mentioned he’s going to show up again later, but I’m so anxious to see the role he’s going to play. I don’t really want it to be a romantic thing with Hinata (I am a firm NaruHina lover lol) but I would love to see him be some kind of a protective friend for her? In my head he and Hinata already know each other; like they had some type of group therapy for traumatized teens or after she was removed from her dad’s care she was temporarily in a group home where she met Sasuke and they got to know each other idk. He knows her story and the pain she deals with, and is able to relate in a sense. So he doesn’t want to see her be taken advantage of. Idk, again this is NOT a suggestion lmao just rambling.

Strength- I would argue that Hinata’s the strongest character in the story so far. Even stronger than Naruto. She’s been thru absolute hell and suffers with severe anxiety and depression. The fact she struggles with suicidal ideations and is still making the choice to live is a testament to her strength. I hope that as the story progresses, Hinata starts to recognize that in herself.

Naruto- love the way you write Naruto in this; the chapters in his pov are some of favorites tbh. As someone mentioned before, I too would love to get a few jealous Naruto scenes. Especially since he’s starting to actually *see* Hinata and recognize his attraction to her. I’m assuming that as the story progresses, Hinata will grow into her own person and become somewhat independent of Naruto (like getting her own friends); is that something Naruto might feel threatened by? Since he does have a selfish streak and is immature, I wonder if he would have an issue with keeping Hinata all to himself.

I think those were the main ramblings I had. Chapter 8 is my absolute favorite so far cuz of the cute NaruHina moment we got. I know smut is probably a ways away but I cannot WAIT till we get to it cuz you are one of my favorite smut writers tbh. Anyways that’s all for now. Can’t wait to see what you have in store for us!

Thank you so much! 🙈💕💗so so so happy you're enjoy the fic that much 💕makes my heart do cartwheelssss 🏃🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️💗☺️🫶🏽 and thank you so much for dropping love in my inbox, I absolutely adore you all that do I swear 🥹

Ahhhh, you have some really interesting ruminations🙈

Sasuke- Surprisingly a lot of readers have been waiting to see how Sasuke fits into all this🤭I've gotten some incredibly creative scenarios and prediction from commenters and anons that I've actually added to his role and even moved his entrance up in the timeline😄This is a very interesting scenario and I really, really like it a lot! So many people really want a protective friend Sasuke and I can't say the idea isn't unbearably adorable 💕

Strength- You hit the nail on the head for sure🫡💕Hinata's inner strength is one that's often overlooked, underestimated and underappreciated when compare to more overt forms of strength, or socially constructed ideals of what it means to be strong, and I've really, really been wanting to make a point in the world of fanfiction, specifically the Naruto fandom of fanfiction, that strength is not always aggression, violence and bitchy attitude 🤦🏽‍♀️ because I've seen, for years now, this narrow, short sighted standard of who is strong and who is weak being perpetrated and it's always, always bothered the crap out of me 😤With Butterfly, I'm hoping to open minds and break molds we've been taught to believe are absolute👎🏽but are actually highly subjective👈🏽 I swear, so many of my fics are 'break the mold' type fics, lol, I think I just like to nay say the nay sayers, ya know, shine light on areas and topics that many may make negative assertions and toxic assumptions about while in reality, know very little about the subject matter at all. I think it opens the door for more compassion, understanding and inclusion ️🫶🏽 and honestly, that's what I'm all about.

Naruto- I love, love, love me a Naruto POV 🙈idk what it is about Naruto in particular since I love most make POV but it is soooo much fun being in his head 🤭Butterfly!Naruto and Prey!Naruto are two of my fave Naruto POV's to write in, both are so much fun in different ways 😄For sure Naruto's gonna have his jealousy moments, he's too hot headed and selfish in Butterfly not to🤭Its definitely not out of the realm of possibility that he'll feel some type of way about not being the center of her attention🤔right now, he's the golden boy, he's got the coveted place at her side, he's got exclusive access nobody else has, losing that, well, he might not be too keen on it🤭although, he's been trying to introduce her to his friends and help her with her speech problems, so maybe he'll take it as a source of pride that he's help her find her confidence🤔that's why I love this Naruto 🤭he really can go either way. Like, on one hand, he can be sweeter than cotton candy, some real tooth rotting sweetness, but on the other hand he can be a selfish asshole making scummy choices just to get what he wants😅he gets tunnel vision, and the only thing that matters is reaching his goals by any means necessary. He's just a really fun character🤭

I super duper appreciate you leaving your ramblings here!! I enjoy each and every one of them! Chapter 8 is near and dear to me too!! I enjoyed writing it so, so much, the cuteness almost melted my laptop 🙈💕 I cannot wait to do more sweet bonding scenes for them ️🫶🏽 that's honestly why my fanfics be so long, I get so caught up in just enjoying and marinating in NaruHina love 🙌🏽its like a virus I never wanna get rid of 😫 Smut is indeed a ways off, but I can't wait to get to it too 🙈 and tys, I'm honored to be one of your faves💕 Thank you, thank you for dropping by!!! I really loved seeing your ramblings! 🫶🏽

[chirpsythismorning]

Lets talk about Appendix #7

I won't be the first (nor the last) to admit that I’ve only ever paid super close attention to the Russia scenes during my major s4 rewatches (like 4x total). Those just don’t tend to be the scenes I rewatch looking for Easter eggs as regularly as I do with others. Though, I can say confidently now that this will not be the case anymore.

As I’ve said recently, the scenes that come off as unnecessary filler, are likely the ones hiding something deeper underneath the surface. Otherwise, why put any time into scenes that have no importance, beyond just to fill the running time? Especially in s4 when the episodes were really long and they could have easily cut out scenes if they weren't that important to the overall plot.

The reason they do this is because they can rest comfortably knowing that a vast majority of the audience will overlook these scenes, even call them pointless and boring (and they can laugh knowing they couldn't be more wrong). A vast majority of fans felt that way about the Russia plot, but even the Cali plot had a decent amount of viewers saying they were worthless all season with no importance to the overall story. And we all know that wasn’t actually the case. And so why would that be any different for the Russia plot?

And this scene right here, which I completely forgot existed (so pardon me if someone has talked about this before, because I've never seen any discourse on it), I only just remembered existed because of the Piggyback script dropping for the Emmy's.

I just want to preface that I'm being so so serious right now when I say this scene is very incriminating for Mike. Even down to the way it ends. It’s bad.

And by bad I mean holy shit they are sick for potentially hiding the truth in plain sight.

For context, in this scene, Yuri represents Mike & let’s say Dmitri represents the skeptical majority, who have been confused by Mike’s behavior for the last two seasons.

A lot to unpack here.

But first I want to give a disclaimer that Yuri is not literally Mike, nor are ALL of Yuri’s scenes meant to be about Mike.

It just so happens that Mike has a unique trend of his POV being missing from the overarching narrative. And how they play with that sometimes, is by strategically displaying his POV through other characters.

You might think I'm crazy, but this has happened quite a bit. The most well recognized example of this would be with Hopper at the end of s3 with the letter.

A less well known example would be with Argyle in s4. Again not all the time, but there are a couple specific moments that come to mind, where it feels like they are hinting at Mike’s inner feelings, by having Argyle display things Mike cannot express to the audience yet.

I always thought it was weird they decided to put Mike and Argyle in almost identical hats in the airport scene. Though, it makes a lot more sense when you see Argyle call him a shitty knock off, only to watch the whole group walking through the airport, with Mike to the left of El and Argyle to the left of Will.

Mike may be standing beside El with them looking like a happy couple, but he’s actually distracted and hyperfocused on Will. And so how they reference that, is by placing Argyle standing close beside Will, sort of mirroring the blocking of Mike and El. In Argyle’s case, he is not putting on a fake smile, instead he looks almost emotionless about what's unfolding. The blocking there definitely feels intentional, as it could be the writers way of showing us where Mike's head is truly at, aka focused on Will.

The other major example I can think of (there's not too many from what I've seen, but these two definitely stand out) is at the end of s4 when the boys arrive at Nina to rescue El. We've talked about how the explosion behind Mike as he was looking between El and Will, is representative of the extreme mix of emotions he is feeling at that moment. But no one has ever talked about Argyle's reaction in that scene. Knowing what the explosion represents, I think we should consider what Argyle’s reaction to the explosion itself might represent as well.

First, Argyle interferes with the Milkvan reunion, standing in the frame behind Mike, with his hands on his head looking at the fire blazing with stress.

But it gets even more dramatic than that, when El and Will are hugging, that's when Argyle really starts freaking out, OH SHIT AW SHIT, pacing back and forth.

By doing stuff like this, they can hide hidden meanings. It also just makes it a whole lot easier to come up with ideas for scenes. Because when they have a big component that is underneath the surface, they can build anything around that, as opposed to coming up with a bunch of ideas fresh on the spot, without any reason for it.

Which is why, tbh whenever I hear someone say it's not that deep, when referring to basic filming techniques of playing with POV, I'm just sitting there thinking, do these people not know how much easier it is for artists, when it is that deep? It’s sooo much easier (and gratifying).

But back to this scene with Yuri and Dmitri.

Yuri seems to be doing a lot also while doing very little reminds me a lot of Mike's method of boyfriendism at the start of 4x02. He brings El flowers, he's got a whole inspired Cali fit, he's feening happiness the whole time, holding her hand and skating together. He's basically giving off this vibe that he's going above and beyond, when really, we know that despite all those little things, he's not doing the one thing El wants him to do, which is to say I love you.

This scene in the piggyback script initially stood out to me because of the word stalling. And this is because whenever I talk about Mike’s behavior in s3, but especially in s4, with him repeatedly putting off saying I love you to El numerous timed, I often use the word stalling to describe it.

In his letters, he avoids it. In the flowers, he avoids it on the note. When she confronts him during their fight, he deflects, and makes a point to struggle using the word care instead. Even when she's literally crying he still can't muster it. When she's getting taken by the cops, he still doesn't think to say it, even now when things are so bad and it might have given her at least some comfort. When they're separated Mike, gets reassurance from Will that he can just say it to her when they reunite, though Mike doesn't look too excited about saying it. Then not even a day later (during the Letter to Willy scene), Mike tells Will he didn't know what to say to El, even though we all know it only would have only required those 3 famous words... And then him and El are reuniting and he still doesn't say it. And then they're in surfer boy and they get interrupted, but tbh the lead up to it felt super disingenuous anyways, with him looking like he was about to say something out of obligation and not because he wanted to say it. And then the literal moment that she is choking, he stalls, until Will encourages him, and then even still then, they make a point to put dramatic beat right before, and only THEN is that when Mike finally says it.! (And all of that isn’t even including the stalling he does in s3).

Basically, Mike is the king of stalling, but especially in s4 and the Piggyback specifically, bc stalling is what has led to this grand moment of Mike quite literally having no option to stall anymore.

And so stalling being used in this conversation with Yuri and Dmitri instantly peaked my interest. I barely remembered the scene from the show and yet the instant I did, I just knew what was about to go down was something related to Mike, that we wouldn't otherwise get insight on bc we don't have his POV right now.

In contrast to the episode, the script has Yuri admitting to stalling. He doesn't seem to have remorse about it at first, he actually seems kind of like he's willing to admit it because it's the truth. Then we get a Ronald Reagan mention from Yuri, followed by him spitting with disgust, which was not included in the final cut... still sort of an off moment, considering the very few Reagan mentions we've gotten in the series, it's been through the presidential campaign sign in front of the Wheeler's house in s2 most.

But now, this is where it starts to get a little scary in terms of what Mike could be thinking. I don't know how I feel about it because it's a scary concept.

You saw it with your own eyes. You know it to be true. And yet you continue to play tricks.

This could mean one of two things, or maybe even a mix of both...

It could mean that Mike knows El doesn't need him despite her begging for him to say the words I love you (he saw it with his own eyes?), but he isn't willing to accept it. He knows his feelings deep down will never change (he doesn’t love El), making his and El's separation inevitable (also reminds me of the suicide mission comment from Yuri...). He is fixated on this idea of her needing him and if not, losing her all together, instead of what El was actually upset about, which was not being loved.

Or it could (also) mean Mike understood Will in the van. He saw it with his own eyes aka the painting, he knew it was apparently for a girl Will liked, but it ended up actually being for him. And he seemed very happy about this as a revelation, up until Will mentioned it was actually from El. Not only that, but what followed was Will monologuing about feelings that matched closer to what Mike and Will had went through over the past year, not him and El. And so Mike realizes in this moment that Will does return his feelings for him, but he isn't willing to confront it aka he chooses to play tricks instead. He saw Will crying, yet he didn't confront it nor comfort him, and I think it’s at the very least bc Will crying that hard would have definitely caused Mike to start crying himself.

I also want to add that I think supports this sort of unraveling of Mike having different assumptions about the painting at different times. Because it appears in the hospital scene with Max, based on the blocking of Will, Mike, and El according to the painting on the wall in the background, that before this moment, he may very well have assumed the painting was from Will. But upon finding out El saving Max was a miracle, the painting shifts and is suddenly behind El.

I think that’s the main issue with deciding definitely one way or another how Mike interprets what’s going down. Because arguably, his feelings about the situation could actually be evolving based on the events around him unfolding.

Now let’s move on to the Peanut Butter Smuggler line. They use this to sort of make a reference to a past version of Yuri who was revered, and irrefutably considered a hero by many’ aka the mainstream ‘I miss s1-2 Mike Wheeler’ core.

And last but definitely, almost certainly not least, they show us Yuri reaching in his coat's inner chest pocket, to pull out the reason for the issue that was causing the stalling…

And that in the context of lettergate and even pocketgate, is pretty insane.

I also noticed a lot of scenes end with 'as...' in the scripts, as it's sort of their way to emulate the smooth transitions between scenes in words. While the scene directly after this is of Max and Lucas, the scene directly after that is Mike and El in Surfer Boy, right before they eat the pineapple pizza.

'Uncertain as...' Uncertain as who?!?!?! Max uncertain about the plan she herself insisted they do? Perhaps. Or what about Mike who is very much uncertain in all of his stalling glory, not even two scenes later, after they literally just acknowledged Yuri's stalling…

A lot of the pieces are there for this to play out, so I don't really think it's a reach anymore when you really start to add it all up.

Letter to Willy is a major proof that this is important. Although Mike ‘We’ve had it this whole time’ Wheeler was referring to a pen in that moment, the pen also came from secret hero agent man’s pocket, with the number (answer) being hidden inside, and with Mike’s shirt being off in that scene, though still in the frame in the right corner.

And then there’s the whole transition from Mike in Hawkins to the mailmain in Lenora in 4x01, DONT you worry Mrs Byers, it’s coming!!

If you want to know what I think personally. I don't know....

I do feel like what would make it super easy for everyone to figure out what's going on with Mike, is for us to finally read a letter from him, and with it ending with love Mike... Like it would just be that easy. Literally all of the contents could even be written off as a friend missing his friend platonically and really struggling bc he can't reach him, with him opening up about things that we already suspected, but that he hasn't said out loud. And then by simply ending it with love Mike, the case would be closed.

It would also perhaps explain Mike's inablity to write love to El in their letters. You’d think there had to have been something that made him overthink not doing that in the first place? And arguably, him having done it for Will when he tried to write a letter(s) to him, only to end it with love, followed by panicking and making the choice to never write Will a letter and instead focus on sending them to El (bc she’s his gf) it sort of starts to add up.

I also think I have a theory for when this letter will come into play in s5.

In the flashback of Suzie getting her computer taken by her dad, the last shot is of her night stand, which has a letter from Dustin, with a watch laying on top of it, also accompanied by an alarm clock that reads 5:02… I think it’s possible we could get lettergate being addressed as early as the second episode of s5. And with all the time/clock imagery surrounding it, there’s a good chance the cliffhanger of that episode could send us straight to the time jump…

Just a theory for now based on a lot of piling evidence. But it’s all very incriminating for Mike…

[wordsandrobots]

I just wanted to say I have so much respect for the incredible essays and fic you write for IBO, and I’m so grateful you’re in this fandom.

I was wondering, have you talked previously about McGillis’ line of “Is there such thing as true happiness and fake happiness?” especially when considered alongside his line of wanting to make Almiria happy? If not, what do you make of that?

It’s been floating around in my head ever since I watched the show, but I haven’t been able to figure out exactly what to make of it and haven’t had the time to rewatch the show yet.

Thank you! My brain has been set to overdrive on the subject of Iron-Blooded Orphans for more than three years now (please send help) so I'm not sure I could have stopped if I tried.

Anyway. Oh boy. That line. No, I haven't written commentary on it previously, at least not directly. But it underpins literally everything I've done in terms of fanfic spiralling out of McGillis' actions, so I have thought about it quite a lot.

For me -- apart from being the moment Gaelio realises precisely how far he's fucked everything up -- that question is the distillation of McGillis as a character. And as much as he says it about his treatment of Almira, it also serves as an excellent vector for examining McGillis and Gaelio's changing relationship throughout the entire show, specifically with regard to why Gaelio is Always Wrong (TM) about his best-friend-turned-mortal-enemy.

The context here is important, since this final scene is the one point in the entire show where we can uncomplicatedly say McGillis is being completely open. He's lost. He's dying. Everything he hoped to achieve has fallen to pieces. Visually, he's been stripped back to his child self, hair fallen wild and expression dulled. This is McGillis undone. It no longer matters what he does or how he presents, so he's finally able to be honest with Gaelio. All the masks are off.

Gaelio, of course, is in full avenger mode, demanding McGillis stay alive long enough to look directly at the consequences of his actions and face his crimes. And McGillis finally admits that all the jumping up and down and masked-ghost shenanigans was unnecessary: he'd *always* seen Gaelio and always held affection for him. He wasn't some cold traitor, saying all the right things to get close enough to stab everyone in the back. Gaelio and Carta were his friends, and though that was anathema to his desire for power, it wasn't a fraud. He even promised to make Gaelio's sister happy for the sake of their friendship.

The English dub script adds the phrase 'no matter the cost' to the end of this statement and I think that's a very acute sentiment, given McGillis nearly dies sooner due to the wound he suffered stopping Almiria from killing herself. His own actions prove he means what he says: even at the cost of harm to himself, he was determined to honour his word on at least this point.

Predictably, Gaelio responds by reiterating the accusation of McGillis spreading delusions. Any happiness McGillis gave to Almiria could only be fake (due to the scheming, backstabbing, brother-murdering and so on). Which leads McGillis to asking, does it matter?

Are there such things as true and fake happiness?

I mentioned masks. For Gaelio, that's a literal object, a disguise to conceal his survival (from anybody who doesn't have the official height chart to hand, at least), that is literally discarded at this point. But for McGillis, the masks always run deeper. Indeed, if there's one thing we can say about his Montag persona and the attendant jester's visage, it's that it allows him to act more like he really wants to, to the point he starts getting a little giddy.

No, for him, masking is performance. Acting. The construction of a surface persona to meet the demands of the situation he's in. Gaelio draws attention to this when describing how McGillis changed as they grew into teenagers, opting to actively fit in with the social scene around them and only seeming to share his 'true' feelings when the two were alone. As the audience, though, we can trace his chameleonic nature back further. In the montage of McGillis' past, we see him adapting to the various situations he is forced into, first by teaching himself to commit violence to establish dominance, then by cultivating studiousness. It seems unlikely McGillis being chosen as Iznario's heir was disconnected from how hard he worked on building himself up in order to survive. Learning how to navigate social and political environments is a natural progression of these efforts.

That this *is* conscious construction is key. Because McGillis also sets out to transform himself into the ideal Agnika Kaieru represents. Ultimately this culminates in physically altering his body so he can use Gundam Bael, but it's far more than that. He trains himself in the two-sword fighting style Agnika used, long before he's anywhere near achieving his goal. He immerses himself in Gjallarhorn's hierarchy and assists skilled, lower-class officers like Isurugi. He dispenses with his childhood sombreness in favour of an authoritative, rigorous, charismatic professional persona. All of this serves his goal of achieving absolute power, yes. It's also about shaping himself into what he thinks he should be -- the embodiment of the characteristics he attributes to Agnika.

There are a few positive aspects to this. Gaelio, operating on the assumption McGillis is a cynical back-stabber, thinks he goes to Mars to survey the mobile armour situation for personal gain. But in truth McGillis goes to ensure Hashmal doesn't awaken. It's the kind of move someone in Gjallarhorn *should* make, so he does. That he is later inspired to go after the Order of the Seven Stars as Gaelio originally imagined he intended is a reaction to things spiralling out of control and exciting him with the world's most ill-advised historical re-enactment; it's not where he comes into the situation. Likewise, he seems to have been a fairly good inspector, exposing corrupt officers like Coral and later doing due diligence on pulling the Outer Earth Orbit Regulatory Joint Fleet (oh cripes I can write than from memory) into proper fighting shape.

At the same time, it means McGillis is always dishonest with other people. He's always got an angle, is always holding something back, always tries to fit everyone into his plans, somehow. Even when he is truthful (such as saying he's admired Carta for treating him as an equal when they were kids or sharing his faith in Agnika's principles with Almiria), there are other factors to consider. His scheme to gain power inside Gjallarhorn, his need to keep things running smoothly, his obsession with being the individual who can transform the world -- these are in play right up until he is bleeding out on the floor.

It's natural, given this, to ask 'who is the true McGillis?' What really exists underneath the layers of performance? However, I think doing so is to repeat a lot of Gaelio's mistakes because, as we eventually find out, McGillis himself fails to draw a meaningful boundary between 'real' and 'fake'.

He promised Gaelio he'd take care of Almiria while in the act of killing him. It was politically prudent to maintain the engagement and he also considered Gaelio a true friend, so there's good reason to honour the promise. On top of that, Almiria is someone he appears to care greatly for, perhaps out of fellow-feeling since she is as much a pawn in others' games as he once was. Thus, her happiness becomes one of his chief goals. To this end, he accommodates her wishes to be seen as a grown-up lady (as imagined by a nine-year-old) and explains how what he is doing will benefit them both. He goes so far as to stop her from harming herself once his deception is exposed, promising that one day, she will be truly happy despite everything.

And the next time he refers to Almiria in any way -- the last time, prior to his final confrontation with Gaelio -- it is to internally chide her for being so troublesome as to leave him with a wound that negatively affects his battlefield performance. Placed alongside his earlier lines to her and the act of putting his hand in the way of the dagger she aimed at her throat, it's an *incredibly* dismissive reaction. It would be easy to read this as him having only pretended to care about Almiria all along, concealing a real disdain. Except, again -- he put his hand in the way of that dagger, without hesitation.

What's going on here?

Well, McGillis presents in whichever way he needs to in order to navigate his circumstances, saying whatever he thinks is most likely to get the outcome he wants. That's his base state for interacting with the world, as a consequence of growing up the way he did. Seeing no distinction in the veracity of happiness speaks to a very outcome-focused view on human interaction. What difference does it make if a positive reaction is prompted by sincerity or by moulding oneself into a form best suiting the other person? They're still happy. Or giving the appearance of it. That's enough, right?

We eventually see this approach fail with Tekkadan, owing to McGillis' misunderstandings about them. Towards the end of the show, stripped of material superiority, his appeals to their fighting spirit fall flat. He tries to sway them on the level he thinks they operate (pride, desire for power, strength of will) rather than the shared loyalty and familial bonds that actually drive them forward. He simply doesn't realise the things they have pursued were always a means to an end -- each other's safety -- rather than the end itself.

That failure highlights both how important it is to engage with the reality of what you're trying to manipulate (the critical distinction separating him from Rustal) and how genuine McGillis is about his stated goals. He really does want to become the all-powerful leader of Gjallarhorn and believes that will allow him to make the world better. He'd do anything to achieve it. Just like he really means to ensure Almiria's happiness, however much he needs to cover up and present differently -- or even suffer physical harm -- to do so.

That right there is the fundamental problem with how Gaelio sees him throughout Season 2. He doesn't get that McGillis' performances are not strictly falsehoods but tools used to obtain the outcome he's proclaiming to anyone who'll listen. The act may be pieced together from truth or lies or force of strength; what matters is that it *works*.

I spent my essay about Agnika focusing on McGillis' ideology. What the true/false happiness line exemplifies is his methodology or, more strictly, the survival strategy he adapted into a generalised approach. It's the Tekkadan strategy error -- applying the same methods over and over in situations where they are increasingly counter-productive -- writ on a subtler scale. A compulsive need to treat every interpersonal encounter as having a specific outcome, where the actual content, the human connection, and the emotional impact lose any significance beyond 'if X then Y'.

The kicker being that, when McGillis does have to deal with genuine emotions on their own terms, he shoves them as far away from himself as he can. Carta and Gaelio should have been his closest allies and loyalist supporters, not to mention a positive impact on his wellbeing due to, you know, actually caring about him as a person. Instead, he kills/tries to kill them, not just because their deaths serve his ambitions but because they gave him something other than his ambitions -- full stop. Something else. And he couldn't have both.

McGillis could not build himself into the perfect embodiment of individualism while keeping his friends close. He couldn't continue to persist on an outcome-focused approach with unprompted, un-targeted happiness just happening to him. From everything else about his character, I'm not sure he could ever have trusted the feelings Carta and Gaelio induced in him. Far better to construct the happiness he thought he wanted. Far safer. Far more natural, for someone under no illusions about the world's hypocrisies, or what people do in order to survive.

The tragedy is that this is an inescapable problem. McGillis was always going to chose the constructed ideal future over the reality that lay within touching distance. The damage, for that's what this is, was done long before anyone who cared was in a position to intervene. This is somebody who'd execute the people he cares for and who cannot understand his best friend crying over his dying admission of affection, any more than he can grasp why being willing to do anything to ensure a little girl's happiness isn't necessarily laudable. Where would you even begin trying to unpick that?

Which of course is exactly what makes him so effective within this story. There's a paradox at the heart of McGillis, which is part of why I've never tried to write his perspective in my fic, where he manages to be profoundly honest and chronically self-deluding, the signifiers of a manipulative bastard twisted around into . . . I don't really want to call it pathology because I think that undersells the active choice to be who he is. But we see how he got there, the trauma that went into making him, how different aspects of it meshed together, shaping him one after the other. It's not just the homelessness, or the sexual assault, or being trafficked, or being made a pawn in a political game, or fixating on a historical figure. It's all of them put together, and I think it's a fantastic bit of character work.

There simply isn't a solution. Just an inescapable arc towards disaster, and the devastation of a pair of siblings who each loved him more dearly than he could possibly conceptualise.

-----

That's more or less where I land on things, anyway. Hopefully this was mostly coherent, as rambles go? Like with everything to do with McGillis, I can never just pull one thread. The man's a living rats-nest, which I love about him but does make it difficult to be succinct!

Thank you very much for the ask, and for your kind words. I will admit to feeling a degree of 'if there's no active fandom for this show, I'll damn well do it myself' when I started writing the fic and the essays, so it delights me no end to know there are people getting a kick out of them. :)

[smuglilsomethin]

The Maybe Man by AJR is so Furina coded

Soooo I was listening to the new AJR album (I have Steve's Going to London stuck on loop in my head). And then I played through 4.2 over the weekend. And now I really want to make it into an animatic so I have a whole lyric chart thingy set up and everything.

Obvi this is going to contain spoilers for Fontaine 4.2 (not her story quest tho, I haven't played it... will probably rb this with updates if I decide to make any changes to the lyric analysis)

This made me think of how Focalors and the Oceanids wanted to be human. They saw how the humans did goofy human things (having emotions, being happy, being sad, etc... hence the "made up and smiled") and went "Yes I want to do that". So they "don't want to be stone, [they] changed their mind". They didn't want to be oceanids anymore, they wanted to become human.

Wish I was a stone, so I couldn't feel

You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal

But I'd miss the way we make up and smile

Don't want to be stone I changed my mind.

This one's a bit on-the-nose. It made me think of Furina's accession speech and how at first she was earnest, probably thinking a lot about what Focalors said to her (the "places [she's] been" being the mirror scene when Focalors first told her to pretend to be the hydro archon), but then she heard the Fontainians judging her and questioning her legitimacy as an archon ("talking shit"). In animatic form this would just be where it shows why she started acting all-knowing and all-powerful. Also I wonder if she actually thought of the Fontainians as her "friends"/equals when she initially began her speech.

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head

Then I could see the places I've been

But then I would know that you're talkin' shit

I don't want to know what my friends think.

I've yet to see Furina interact with a dog so my first thought was that scene where she was playing with the cats in the courtyard on the night Arlecchino attacked her. Not that scene specifically, but just the idea that she normally plays with stray animals in Fontaine's city. The "I wouldn't live long" immediately made me think of her lifespan being unnaturally extended via her curse, meaning humans don't live long to her (not just dogs/cats, though it's the same way pets don't live long in comparison to humans).

Wish I were my dog, out on the lawn,

I'd be so glad when I hear you come home

But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long

I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone.

I wish I could act in a show on TV

'Cause then I could practice not bein' me

I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel

But you won't believe when I cry for real.

This one I thought fit Furina really well. Furina de Fontaine acts in plays as well as fakes being an archon. Bro is acting 24/7, always practicing "not being [her]". Because she never is her actual self.

In an animatic I could see that for the "I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel" it could show her crying, like full on breaking down, but then on the "you won't believe me when I cry for real" it zooms out to show that it's a stage with an applauding crowd to show that the Fontainians think it's just a part of the show she's starring in.

She wants to be as wise as a real archon. Whether it be her finally being able to come up with a way to stop the prophecy, or a way to always win in a trial (every "fight", or as she would put it, every "duel"). Except if she was always all-knowing, she would constantly be thinking about the prophecy or other super heavy archon-related things, and being a human, humans aren't meant to constantly be under that strain. Because (as I interpreted the cutscene, at least) even though she had the prophecy and archon role weighing her down, she seemed to at least have some moments where she was having genuine fun (i think??? or maybe she's just that good of an actor and fooled me ig)

I wish that my brain would triple in size

I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight

But I'd get too deep with that kind of mind

I don't wanna know the point of life.

In some other life I would be rich

I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill

But couldn't complain 'bout anything small

Nobody'd feel bad for me at all.

She's living someone else's life as the hydro archon. She already lives luxuriously so I think in the animatic it would just be showing her day-to-day life, doing fake archon things. But she can't confide in anyone the truth. She can't "complain about anything small", or break the image that she's this perfect being. And because of that, "Nobody would feel bad for [her] at all".

If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack

I'd get invited to every frat

But when you get old and your good days have passed

You'll only want me when you're sad.

This made me think of her trailer where she was surrounded by all the Fontaine characters in a choreographed fight. Except instead, this part of the animatic would be her surrounded by Fontainians dancing. Naturally, as an archon, she gets invited to every party.

But when she gets old, and her good days have passed--when the flood dissolves everyone and she's all alone in the sea--she'll only have the memories of those plays and dances that she had with the humans when they were still there. (This never happened but it's what she expected to happen since the beginning. It lowkey reminds me of Briar Rose from Ever After High? Like she wants to party and have fun with everyone while she still can before everyone gets dissolved and she's all alone.)

The first two lines kind of go with the previous paragraph with the music and dancing. But the second two lines made me think of the scenes where she would have Fontainians having appointments to meet with her and being all excited. Except "two or three minutes, then I'm gone". I interpreted this as every human's lifespan feeling extremely short to Furina, especially with that one part of the cutscene where one of the humans was talking about one of their ancestors being the first in their bloodline to meet her--a human that we saw her "talking to" only a few moments ago in the same cutscene.

Wish I was a song, your favorite one

You'd follow the dance to me at your prom

I would be there when your baby is born

For two or three minutes, then I'm gone.

I wish I was big, as big as my house

I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd

But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch

God, I could really use him now.

Now's when the meat of the song comes in.

She wishes that she was as "big", or as powerful, as a real archon. She'd do all the things a real archon could do ("sleep on the trees", "skip every crowd"... not sure how these would be depicted but you get the point).

But then, she wouldn't need Neuvillette anymore, which I see as her main support (even though she never tells him anything, she wanted him to go to Arlecchino's meeting with her to feel safe so I feel like she places some confidence in him / reliance on him at least). But she doesn't want to not need Neuvillette anymore. She wants him around.

I wish I was God, I'd never trip up

And if I did, well, so fuckin' what?

I could be cruel and break all your stuff

Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what...

THIS STANZA LKSDJFSDLKJFDSLKJ

Again, she wants to be a real archon (or maybe she doesn't--my favorite part of this song is how it's constantly contradicting itself and going back on its statements because maybe you would want to be all-knowing. Maybe you would want to be all-powerful. Maybe you would want to be God. It's indecisive and constantly changing, just like the human condition etc etc). She wouldn't have to be so scared of messing up. She wouldn't have to be afraid of the humans questioning her legitimacy. She could do whatever she wanted and get away with it. The Fontainians would love her no matter what.

But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird

'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear.

And then you would die. You'd love me to death.

I'd never know who the hell I am.

...Except, if she were an actual archon, she'd still feel weird about how the humans worshipped her. When her act is convincing enough, the humans listen to what she says without question. Especially that one part of the cutscene where she's meeting with one of the citizens and literally starts crying in the middle of it. She makes up an excuse about her being the hydro archon, thus having excess hydro in her system... and the human just. Buys it. She starts fangirling as Furina is crying.

And then they would die. They'd love her to death.

This could fit with that part with the talk of bloodlines and the first ancestor who met her, but I'd like to think that it meant the prophecy's flood.

The prophecy would swallow Fontaine whole. All the Fontainians would dissolve.

But they'd still love her to death. They would still worship her without question.

And she'd never know who she was for real.

I wish I was me, whoever that is

I could just be and not give a shit

Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan

'Cause I don't know who the hell I am.

I can see her saying this during her internal monologue stage as her play's final scene.

She wants to be herself, but she doesn't know how. She's been Focalors since day one, so she has no idea who Furina is.

One, two, pandemonium!

One, two, pandemonium!

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium!

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium!

One, two—

Here I go again.

---------------------------------------------------------------

This part of the song oml. "Pandemonium" describes Fontaine's archon quest pretty well, and combined with the instrument spaghetti in the song finale it conveys the feeling of the storyline precisely.

When the instruments start playing and the crowd starts cheering, I could see that being the magic box opening revealing that Furina is going on trial.

Here she goes again, about to put on another performance.

I was thinking of making this into a series? Like I have a lot of songs that line up with characters (not just Genshin, like I currently have one for Danganronpa that's been cooking for like a year) and I want to put it in some kind of lyric analysis / animatic planning format like I did with this one. I'm putting this post (along with the Lyney as Envy Baby drawing) under [ #smug's playlist ] so look out for that I guess?

[celestie0]

Hii! This is my first time messaging any fanfic author (I'm an extremely anxious person and tend to be more of a lurker LOL) I'm so sorry but this might be a long one lmfao

First of all, the way you write in general? Absolutely phenomenal!! The way you characterise and describe scenes is honestly so incredibly immersing. I've always had a relatively easy time imagining scenes in my head when reading, even with relatively little detail, but the way you word everything puts the scene straight into my head and it's such a wonderful experience!

Your characterisation of Gojo (in all your works!!) is probably my absolute favourite out of any fanfics I've read of him (trust me I've read an embarrassing amount :sob:). The way you actually capture what he feels like in canon, without making him feel super mean or cold, but still retaining that side of being emotionally repressed is absolutely chefs kiss!!

I also really love y/n in both kickoff and ihm so much. I relate to both of them in different ways, but probably more so ihm reader personality wise (might also be because I'm around the same age as her lmao). As someone who is very emotionally repressed due to trauma (especially of loved ones leaving you), the way you've portrayed those sides of reader in ihm is VERY spot on!! And I would like to add that I, for one, LOVE slow burn, so I don't mind the pace ihm is going at right now personally!

Chapter 12 of Kickoff?!?!? Holy shit I was literally sat there blushing, kicking my feet and giggling. It was absolutely hilarious and super cliché in the absolutely best way possible (I absolutely love clichés if they're well used!)

I could honestly wait years for anything you write. Never feel any pressure to churn out your writing and take it at your own pace!! My genuine first thought after finishing the latest chapter of Kickoff was that it was sooo worth the wait haha.

Personally I have an extremely hard time writing anything but angst, because I like making myself sad I guess who knows LOL But I'm sooo excited about your next work!! I absolutely love the song you're basing it off of <3

AND did I also see some talk about a potential Spider-man Gojo fic in the future??? Cos I would honestly probably scream (in a good way lol) if you ever did that, he's my alltime favourite superhero!!

Okok this is getting really long, but I found this photo of four football players a bit ago and thought I absolutely HAD to draw them as Gojo, Geto, Choso and Nanami from Kickoff (adding the art at the bottom)! But I haven't gotten around to colouring it yet (or cleaning it up considering it's just a sketch lmaoo) cos I'm stuck on how to do the jerseys. So I have two questions! I know you've explained the colours of their jerseys, but do you have any particular idea in mind of what the design on the jersey itself looks like? As in where the colours are placed specifically etc? And we know Gojo's signature jersey number, but do you have numbers for the rest of them too? (I may or may not also have a wip of a drawing of just Gojo from Kickoff too!)

I'm sorry there's A LOT of different plot points in my message??? The most important part was just to convey, hey, I love the way you write and you should definitely give yourself some more credit cos you are genuinely a really good writer!! <3 (Though I know us artists tend to be our own worst critics LOL)

hi love i’m so sorry this took me a sec to respond to!! first off thanks you so much for sending me such a sweet ask :’’’) i literally gaspeddd when i saw it

aaa i’m so happy the scenes feel immersive!! and that you enjoy my characterization of gojo aaa i’m so happy to hear that. and yes i totally relate to ihm reader’s suppression of her emotions due to trauma and lack of trust so it’s been very…cathartic yet challenging to write for her, but i wouldn’t have it any other way hahah

i’m so glad you enjoyed kickoff ch12!! i totally agree that chapter was so cliche, honestly it made me cringe while i was writing it because i typically hate cliches esp when they’re corny rather than on-the-nose, but i posted it anyways bc i figured maybe i just hate it bc i’m the author xd but it seems my readers enjoyed it so :’’0 perhaps i made the right choice

oh you are too kind. i really appreciate you looking out for me <3 tbh i’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and it’s been really hard to deal with the emotions, but coming on here and seeing sweet works n ppl interacting w my stories brings me lots of happiness n i can’t thank you enough :’’) yes i will definitely take my time bahahha that i can assure you LOL and i’m so happy to know you’re looking forward to more of my works!! you’re so right about artists/authors being our own worst critics. i swear no one has been as mean to my writing as i have LMFAOOO but alas i think i’ve gotten better in trusting my direction n kinda choosing what i think is best soooo. progress i suppose? hahah

ok. now. i can talk about. THE ART?!?!?!?!? HELLO!!!!!!! OH MY GODD?!?!!?!?! ok i KNOWWW that’s it’s just a sketch so far but tell me whERE MY PANTIES HAVE GONE?!?!?!? WHERE MY CLOTHES ARE AT?!?!??!

the expression on kickoff gojo’s face has me reeling he looks so focused n sexy and THE HEADBAND PUSHING HIS HAIR UP OUT OF HIS FACE YES YES YES 100% THAT’S HOW I PICTURE IT WHEN I WRITE AAA and kickoff geto’s expression too pls i could cum (sorry i hope this isn’t weird to say lmfaooo i am also very respectfully looking at your artwork as well aaa) nanami’s hair looks so nice too

as for the uniforms hmm i know i said like gold and blue colors, i believe actual real-life UTOKYO has more of a yellowish color but i actually like gold better hence why i chose gold. but…i can imagine the whole jersey being blue and then with gold accents then white numbering?

here are some options!! like w the first one, probs sky blue fabric with the white stripes as gold instead, and then the numbers/brand sponsors or whatever are in white? they would probs have like “UTOKYO” in large print somewhere too, maybe underneath their numbers or sumn. tbh i think the middle one is the nicest, i can picture the stripes of blue and gold, and then accents in white. but the third one also works too!!

as for numbers hmm. ok yes gojo is #10, geto is #7, choso is #4 and nanami is #24 :0 that sounds…about right! LOL i hope i don’t have it somewhere in the other chapters that they are different numbers although i don’t think i’ve assigned the other boys numbers before

BUT I HOPE THIS HELPS AND THANKS SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH FOR DRAWING FANART INSPIRED BY MY FIC!!!! I AM SO HUMBLED BY YOU AND I’M SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE THE FINAL DRAWING BUT ALSO NO PRESSURE AAAAAAAA

so much loveee <333

[anomalyaly]

Interview with a Writer

Thank you for the tag @mscostac!! ❤️

WHEN DID YOU START WRITING?

I've been writing all sorts of stories since I was in elementary school. I had a few friends that we would co-write drabbles with that at first started with making up things about our own lives, then descended into the world of fanfiction as we got older.

After having my writing made fun of by someone I once considered myself close with (who was also a fanfic writer), I was too afraid for a very long time to post anything. I stopped writing for the most part for years until entering the Hogwarts Legacy fandom.

I saw so many people branching out and writing amazing stories, and it inspired me to write one of my own!

ARE THERE DIFFERENT THEMES OR GENRES YOU ENJOY READING THAN WHAT YOU WRITE?

I'm a fantasy reader, but I also enjoy contemporary fiction and romance. I'm fairly open to trying different genres, but those are the ones I gravitate toward.

IS THERE A WRITER YOU WANT TO EMULATE OR GET COMPARED TO OFTEN?

I haven't posted enough to get compared to anyone. I don't have a particular style that I emulate - I read a variety of works and pick out nuances of authors that interest me, and sometimes I weave it into my own writing. But as for now, I'm just trying to find my own groove.

CAN YOU TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR WRITING SPACE?

A laptop 😅 I don't really have much of a writing space. I'm currently staying home caring for my child, so my workspace has to move with me whenever baby naps. Usually, after bedtime, I'll sit in a recliner in the bedroom and write on my laptop with a pair of headphones to keep me from getting distracted (which is very easy to do with a baby).

WHATS YOUR MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO MUSTER UP A MUSE?

Reading, music, and thinking about the characters pretty much all the time. I'm always thinking through different scenarios and playing around with them in my head before something strikes me enough to want to write about it.

ARE THERE ANY RECURRING THEMES IN YOUR WRITING? DO THEY SURPRISE YOU?

Again, I haven't posted enough yet, but almost all of the scenarios I come up with for ideas have two things - happy endings, and fighting through hell to get there.

WHAT IS YOUR REASON FOR WRITING?

It's an outlet for me! I've always been into creating. I studied an arts degree in college (music) and have always the desire to create. To me, music is another way of telling stories. Writing is just another way for me to tell my stories in a more palpable way.

IS THERE ANY SPECIFIC COMMENT OR TYPE OF COMMENT YOU FIND PARTICULARLY MOTIVATING?

EVERY comment! I love comments telling me to keep writing, or when people react to my stories! I go through all of them and have a huge smile on my face when I see someone is enjoying reading. Comments are a way of showing love to authors, so every comment is motivating!

HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF BY YOUR READERS?

I want people to think of me as someone who is friendly - I don't want them to be afraid to comment or talk to me! The thing I love about fandom is the fact that we can all mutually bond over something we all love.

WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH AS A WRITER?

I feel pretty good about my dialogue. I tend to act out conversations to make them flow more realistically and imitate facial expressions so I can figure out a way to best describe character reactions in the scenes.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR OWN WRITING?

WELL. I'm definitely very critical of myself. As I said above, I had someone I considered a close friend review my writing, and they made fun of it relentlessly. That voice is always in the back of my head telling me that it's not good enough, and that no one would want to read it. I have to remind myself constantly that the original reason I started writing was because I love it. But it's a challenge to not be critical and overthink every little plot I come up with.

In the end, once I post it, I'm happy with it, and I hope that I'll continue to love the things that I create, because I worked hard to create something I love!

No pressure tags:

@gingerlegacy07 @thursdaymoonrise11 @ravenwind-75 @gyattoru @endless-starlight-legacy

[pebblysand]

hello! welcome to the castles playlist explanation post, part three!

<LINK TO PART ONE> <LINK TO PART TWO>

.

Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa by FINNEAS: this is the era/chapter of love songs, lol. i love this one, it's so happy and symbolic of the first half of this chapter - harry and ginny enjoying the honeymoon phase haha.

Room Service by Holly Humberstone: i can't recall how i first heard this song but i always thought it had such hinny undertones of that era in castles, covering both this chapter but also the one before - this quietness of a refuge found in bedrooms and hotel rooms just the two of them. the love that transpires. i am burying the things that hurt you. i'm digging holes in the garden, babe, i made a tomb to put them in - everything. i also love the part that goes 'cause you've lost too much sleep for one lifetime - that really speaks to the two of them and their nightmares.

Rosie by Passenger: another cosy song for this cosy chapter. funny story but passenger said he wrote that song as a lullaby for his cat who was scared of the storm. it's a beautiful ballad about not worrying and being protected. i adore this song, it always gives me hope and feels whenever i hear it.

Party Tattoos by dodie: continuing with the cosy feeling, but this song is also about social anxiety and taking leaps of faith to actually do things, which i think speaks to harry and ginny finally enjoying themselves in this chapter. that being said, i mostly picked this song for this iconic line: they're not bruises, they're just party tattoos. that really spoke to me in this chapter, not in the context of the song specifically, but more in the context of the "bruises" and "wounds" that harry and ginny are working to heal together, and this concept that they're not bruises, they're just party (or maybe life) tattoos. i love that idea and the metaphor, which is why i included the song here.

Petite Marie by Francis Cabrel: and, again, we finish with a love song. probably one of the most beautiful of all. sorry for those who don't speak french, you're missing something. je viens du ciel et les étoiles entre elles ne parlent que de toi. (i come from the sky and amongst themselves, the stars only speak of you.)

Young In America by Barns Courtney: i (obviously) love barns courtney, and i think this song is the perfect theme song to the beginning of this chapter, which centres on harry & ginny towards the end of their "honeymoon" phase and into adulting. there's their relationship and their jobs and the stability they both were so eager for. i love this song because it carries both this aspect of nostalgia (they were indeed, once upon a time, "young in america") but also this satisfaction of "two kids from nothing, guess we did alright - my dear, my dear". i love both aspects of the song, and it fits remarkably well with the start of this chapter.

as good a reason by Paris Paloma: ah. if you're on tiktok, i'm sure you already know this song. funnily enough, i knew the song already when i wrote this chapter, but i wrote the "spite" line without it being a reference to the song in my head. it's just a few weeks later when i was listening to paris paloma and was like oh. was it a dormant thought in my head? maybe. but also, i think for a very long time when writing castles, people kept asking me what drove me to kept going and my default response was "spite" lol. so, maybe both things inspired ginny's quote haha. it's a very castles-y song, regardless.

Suic*de by Ren: this song is two things. first, it's the very literal inspiration for the suicide scene at the bridge in castles. but i also really wanted it in the playlist because it really relates to post-war harry as well. "treading on the tracks at the nighttime, it never felt like the right time." i've obsessed over a lot of Ren lines over the years (he's such a haunting writer, some of his stuff makes me angry i didn't write it) but that concept of "it never felt like the right time" is so quintessential to harry's self-harm tendencies in the fic, and lily's later on. i sort of imagine her walking around london listening to this song after she comes home, and it never feels like the right time for her either.

Rupture by Laurie Darmon: this song is SO CLEVER. i remember listening to it the first time and being blown away. the rhyming!!! ugh it's so good. the story of a break up. obviously, this is one is for Hermione.

Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan: aaaand, this one is for Ron, haha.

Queenstown by Passenger: aaaaand, this one is or Harry & Ginny haha. i love the mood of this, but i also like that it's a break up song cause it also reflects the situation of Ron & Hermione. it's two birds with one stone, really.

Chalk Outlines by Ren & CHINCHILLA: can you tell i was going through my Ren obsession while writing 18 & 19 😅? i like to think of this song as the one playing to harry and hermione talking on the couch, when she says she's not alright. the recurrence of trauma and all.

Him by Lily Allen: obviously, the one for the end of this chapter.

You And Whose Army? by Radiohead: this song is two things. firstly, it's an intensely Peaky Blinders song, which obviously is a show that heavily inspired this fic. secondly, obviously, in the context of this fic, it refers to 9/11, and the illusion of fighting back. i love the tone of the song, the sort of jokingly derisive tune to the angry lyrics. it's pathetic almost, the best contrast.

Lion by Saint Mess: i think this song works so well for both that era of war and post-9/11 mess, but also for the world cup? Ginny's success as a Quidditch player? i love it.

Big Weenie by Eminem: hahaha this is a funny diss song. i like to think this is Ginny finally getting her "revenge" on the press during the world cup.

Sick Boi by Ren: ugh. you get a YT link here because Ren is unfortunately in a petty copyright dispute with the guy who did the beat for this, thus the song has been taken off Spotify. obviously, listened to this absolutely on LOOP while writing the second part of this chapter.

Eat Your Young by Hozier: this song is obviously fairly recent but it applies so well to all the wars and conflicts that have been happening since 01, really. it works for Iraq... so well. music to listen as Harry brainwashes himself.

How to Be Me by Ren & CHINCHILLA: uggggggh. 😭. tears, tears, tears, hot tears. very self-explanatory - Harry at his lowest point, really.

La Corrida by Francis Cabrel: fellow french people, you may wonder, why the f is this here? right? well, i will say one thing: je les entends rire comme je râle, je les vois danser comme je succombe, je pensais pas qu'on puisse s'amuser autant autour d'une tombe. voila, voila ✌🏻😅.

Kabul Shit by Lily Allen: this one is obvious. it's one of my favourite, most-listened-to Lily songs, it's tragedy that it was only the B-side to the Japanase edition of The Fear or something. i stole her wording of we'll blame it on the terror, also known as religion, in the fic itself.

La Boulette (Génération Nan Nan) by Diam's: lmao, such a 00s song but also, you know, she had a point. justice for Mélanie. me demande pas ce qui les pousse à casser des vitrines, j'suis pas la mairie 💀.

Wake Me up When September Ends by Green Day: well, isn't this one self-explanatory? Green Day, 9/11, the war in Iraq. everything.

Rockabye by Clean Bandit, Sean Paul & Anne-Marie (cover by Ely Lee): i wish i could have used the "real" song here but i couldn't find an acoustic version and the actual beat of song doesn't really fit the mood. the lyrics do, but i had to settle on the instrumental. to me, it plays in the background of the end scene at the end of the chapter 🥰.

La liste by Rose: i think this song sort of carries one the happy, loving vibes of the end of last chapter/beginning of this one. the list of everything i want to do with you. i love the musicality of this song, and also the avoir une petite fille bit of the list, which in my head was always also a nod to lily.

"99" by Barns Courtney: i LOVE this song for this chapter, it works SO WELL with the whole happy-we're-having-a-baby vibes at the start of the chapter, but also the nod to "we're gonna live like it's 1999". to me, it's a direct callback to the trip to the US, followed by their "honeymoon" period. it makes me so happy. they've literally living like it's 1999.

Hi Ren by Ren: and.... the crash, lol. i really hesitated to include this song here. i think on the one hand, the actual subject matter (Ren's struggling artist vibes) is obviously very off-topic. on the other hand, i love how this song deals with the recurrence of darkness in our lives, to me it's the barn creeping back in after so many months of harry just being like "oh, it's great, we're having a baby, etc." it also has a lot of quotes that were so key in the crafting of castles, and which fit so well that it needed to be there. i also love the message of hope at the end, it's foreshadowing of the end of the story itself: life is hard sometimes, but we rebuild, you know? that line "some people might know me as hope, some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on the rope" just lives rent-free in my head and also reflects on harry's somewhat suicidal tendencies. this song was very important in writing the end of castles, and its last arc.

Tu connais by Volo: i got obsessed with that song as i was writing chapters 20 and 21. it deals with the idea of getting into a relationship and learning to know (like, really know) someone. there is that beautiful quote in it which i ended up rewriting but stealing the concept of in chapter 21: si c'est le temps qui passe qui fait qu'on se connait, je veux que le temps passe et ne s'arrête jamais. (if it is time that means we know each other, i want time to pass and never stop). i love this as a song that ties the concept of the very intimate conversation harry and ginny have at the end about ginny's parents and harry's upbringing, and the kind of parents they want to be. there's really such a trust between them to be able to talk about these things, i just absolutely love it.

Mon p'tit gars by Christophe Maé: i know, i know. look. it's sweet, okay? je te vois comme un grand guerrier qui rit aux éclats devant toute une armée. pour demain je ne souhaiterais qu'une chose, que tu laisses tomber les soldats 🥹

Golden by Barns Courtney: i think this song sort of continues the theme of the previous chapter, the sweet, loving bliss of harry and ginny being happy and forming their family. the days were most things are good, happy and golden.

Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe & FINNEAS: again, same vibe. this idea that if the end of the world hits, we're together and nothing else matters. i also love the "current-ness" of this song, the fact that yeah, a lot of things are not great on the outside (here, the end of the world - in the fic, terrorism and Iraq and the financial crisis, etc.) but we've had this time together and we're in love and i'll know i had the best time falling into love. i think it's also pretty representative of harry and ginny choosing to have kids and choosing to raise them in a world they're trying to make better little by little.

Hometown Glory by Adele: there's two London songs in this section of the playlist. this one is a bit sadder but also a lot letter, and i sort of see it as the background music for the scene at the beach.

Money Game by Ren: i chose this song for the more political angle of this chapter. the conservatives coming into power, kicking Kingsley out, but also later in the chapter: corruption coming in, then getting ousted again, etc. there's also all of quidditch money politics. it covers a lot haha.

Sad Season by Crying Day Care Choir: ah, the wedding. i love this song so much. it's so castles!hinny.

Je l'aime à mourir by Francis Cabrel: another wedding song. if you are spanish-speaking, you probably know a very different-sounding version of this song haha. this is the original, and it's again a very, very beautiful love song. i love the undertone re:ginny as well. je suis le gardien du sommeil de ses nuits and elle a fait de ma vie des éclats de rire and elle a du faire toutes les guerres de la vie. 🥹 (i am the guardian of her sleep at night // she turned my life into bursts of laughter // she has had to fight of all life's wars).

London by Mackenzy Macday: this is them choosing London in spite of everything, isn't it? also a bit political, which obviously wraps into the rest of this chapter as well.

Birds That Flew and Ships That Sailed by Passenger: idk, i'm kind of feeling this song in line with harry's crisis of confidence in his career? for the most part i forgot what i wanted anyway? it's maybe the theme to his turning-thirty crisis.

Rome by Solann: god. solann. if you're french and on tiktok, you've probably heard this song too much already. think of her as the french Paris Paloma, haha. the female rage. i also love the slow build of the song. i see it as the bridge between this chapter and the next. the lyrics are SO GOOD. it makes me mad i didn't write it. j'me sens comme un agneau qui dit pardon au loup d'avoir été trop lent à lui offrir son coup 😭. (i feel like a lamb apologising to the wolf, for being too slow in offering its neck) // les putes comme moi portent les rêves des hommes (whores like me carry the dreams of men) // and this one especially for ginny: certains me doivent des mea culpa à genoux mais préfèrent cracher leurs venins debout et je mangerai leur langue si c'est le prix du silence. (some owe me mea culpas on their knees but prefer spitting their venom standing, and i will eat their tongues, if that's the price of silence). i love her so much.

De honte et de pardon by Coeur de Pirate: i've always loved this song - the melody and the melancholy of its lyrics - ever since hearing it on Beatrice's album when it first came out. but, for a long time, i didn't understand what it was about. it sounded a lot like an abusive relationship, where the abusive partner may have caused a miscarriage or something (tes lèvres quittent les miennes, te rappelles-tu les siennes, celles qui n'ont jamais pu énoncer ton nom), and the guilt the female victim felt about it, not being able to prevent the death of the baby, but it never quite fit. actually, i discovered listening to an interview semi-recently that this song is about #metoo. Beatrice dated someone who was later accused of SA on someone else and she wrote this song relating her feelings about it. it's true that the lyrics make a lot more sense like this, but also, god is it beautiful. et quand surviennent leurs cris, dans l'air du temps, l'enfer sourit car tu as usé de mes peurs pour taire ses pleurs (and when they start screaming, in today's times, hell smiles because you used my fears to quiet her tears). i wanted to open the playlist for this chapter with it because it's topical, and because it tells the story, really.

Seven Sins by Ren: whilst there are some lyrics of this that resonate with this chapter (Ren is all about trauma, generally, and this is about trauma lol), i think what really mattered for me with this song for this chapter is the rhythm of it. i listened to it on quasi-loop when i was writing, especially the first part before ginny makes the decision to write the book (and the second part before the book comes out). i wanted this sort of relentless, endless, breathless pace to the words and the story, which you have in the song, figuring how "everything's alright" but also everything's not, and #metoo is like nagging and nagging and nagging at them before the explosion. it's haunting and it's a loop of a beat that sounds very quick and siren-y, and won't leave you alone. i don't know if i succeeded, but i basically wanted the chapter to sound like this.

Encore et encore by Francis Cabrel: (yes, all of Cabrel's classics seem to be in this playlist, sue me, my mum is from the south-west, okay??💀). the one thing i will say about this song is: yes, i know it's about a car accident. which, sort of beautifully overshadowed lily's story too. but if you speak french, i urge you to re-listen this song with ginny and amycus in your mind. like, literally every verse is so on point. [1] t'entends à chaque fois que tu respire, comme un bout de tissu qui se déchire. (...) les heures s'allongent comme les semaines, tu te retrouves assise par terre, à bondir à chaque bruit de portière. (you hear every time you breathe, like a piece of fabric tearing. (…) the hours lengthen like the weeks, you find yourself sitting on the ground, jumping at every sound of a door.) [2] la même nuit que la nuit d'avant, les mêmes endroits, deux fois trop grands. t'avances comme dans les couloirs, tu t'arranges pour éviter les mirroirs. (the same night as the night before, the same places, twice too big. you move forward in the corridors, you manage to avoid the mirrors.) [3] faudrait que t'arrives à en parler au passé, faudrait qu'tarrives à ne plus penser à ça. faudrait qu'tu l'oublies à longueur de journées. dis toi qu'il est de l'autre côté du pôle, dis toi surtout qu'il ne reviendra pas. (you should learn to talk about it in the past tense -- yes, i stole this from the song -- you should learn to stop thinking about it. you should forget about him all day long. tell yourself that he is on the other side of the pole, tell yourself above all that he will not come back. 😭) like, even the last verse that is more about missing him is on point [4] tu comptes les chances qu'il te reste, un peu de son parfum sur ta veste. tu avais dû confondre les lumières d'une étoile et d'un réverbère. (you count the chances you have left, a little bit of his perfume left on your jacket. you must have confused the lights of a star and a street lamp.) to me, it even roots to the slight empathy she has for him and the weird sadness of the realisation that this wasn't what she thought it was. and the overall loneliness in the choruses as well!!! i just fucking love it!

Unattractive by SOFIA ISELLA: i've always found it interesting that i didn't get a single comment (literally not one) about what to me, is probably both the worst scene i've ever written in terms of how much it makes my skin crawl, and one of the most important, for many reasons. the "day after" scene. i think it's because it's such a horrible scene that no one wants to talk about it. totally respect it, though i would love to one day have the excuse to do a line by line commentary haha. anyway, this song is the mood, isn't it?

hell is a teenage girl by Nessa Barrett: or, the revenge of a former teenage girl, perhaps. there, ginny decides to write the book.

Martyre de la cause by Mathilde: ah. this was very important in the way i envisaged ginny's decision to write and to speak out. c'est avec joie que je serai une martyre de la cause (it's with joy that i'll be a martyr of the cause). the fight she chooses to take on cause she can't not anymore. a very gryffindor song.

I Am Here by P!nk: i love P!nk. i went to see her live in Dublin a few months ago (a bit before writing this chapter) and idk, when she sung it live, this song in my head resonated with the last part of this chapter, this sort of feeling of "we are here, we're alive, we've made it"? that's how i see it.

La symphonie des éclairs by Zaho de Sagazan: not only is this such a beautiful ode to life and emotion and just thriving through the clouds, but it's also in my head the song harry and ginny dance to at the end. i know it came out too late so it's not contemporary, but fuck it.

The Age Of Anxiety by Jamie Cullum: jamie cullum is one of my first musical loves - my mother is a fan. i basically grew up on his early jazz stuff. i remember hearing that song for the first time when it came out, and i think i've rarely ever connected with a song the very moment i heard it. the phrase "i've kept all my texts from amy" haunts me. obviously fits with this chapter and its overall theme for obvious reasons.

What They'll Say About Us by FINNEAS: this song was very important in writing some of the castles chapters, especially IIRC chapter 17/18, but i also felt like it never quite "fit" the playlist at the time. it's a covid song, also a political song. actually about BLM but i think you can also liken it to hermione's campaign and first few months/years in office here. the hope and need for political change, but also the shortcomings. and, obviously, covid. i think the theme of death can also be likened to the war in Mongolia and the will to fight for freedom - it fits rather well here.

Another Love by Tom Odell: i am baffled that this song, which i've frankly adored for about a decade, has taken on a second life on tiktok as a rebel song. it's bizarre - clearly, it's not a rebel song haha - but it works? so, anyway, i really wanted to have this in for the mongolia episode, and its parallels with ukraine, gaza, iran, etc.

Knife by Lenii: i added this song the other day, i was looking for a "transition song" between the first part (mongolia, politics, etc.) and the second (the protest and its aftermath). this one was in my top songs for 2023, and obviously, it fit for the harry/hermione situation 😅.

Police On My Back by The Clash: this one is obvious. here goes the protest haha.

Police (Live) by Suprême NTM: lmao. okay. so another french rap song about how much the police sucks. it's a classic. i think i love this version even more because it's a live that was recorded very recently (the band is originally from the late 90s) and 1) it has the "assassins de la police" loop which wasn't in the original version but 2) (and most importantly) the end just KILLS me. the way Joey Starr is like, after everything (and especially, there's a lot of NTM lore, like the rappers have been arrested more times than i can count - not really good people, in fairness), "après bon, c'est comme les transports en commun, on en a b'soin" (but then it's like public transport, you kind of need them" 💀. i feel like it's this adult take on this very very angry anti-police song that they wrote 30 years ago and really symbolises the whole growing up theme of castles, and harry's situation here. it'll never not make me laugh.

Medieval by FINNEAS: harry's press and publicly downfall, obviously.

One of the Brightest Stars by James Blunt: you know what, i think my most controversial musical take is that i actually love James Blunt. i'm sorry. i think this song is so, so beautiful. same theme as the previous one.

Love Music, Pt. 4 by Ren: i was looking for a "comeback" song, and i think this one really resonates with the moment. it's not really the topic, it's more the tone. i love the way it starts with this blasé "alright. love music pt4" i think it's very harry in that moment when he's sort of dealing with coming "back" and taking over cashcow - at the beginning, it's a bit defeated and blasé, then he ends up actually liking it. i think it really works here, and it's a fun song, in the end.

Not Afraid by Eminem: same thing with the comeback, and i had originally but Without Me in the playlist here, but upon reflection, i think it's more of not afraid comeback here? again, a bit more hurt and jaded, but also a bit more political? like, im not afraid to take a stand? there's something a bit more harry/hermione here. a bit more deep. to me it's the continuation of the love music pt4 vibes.

Doom Days by Bastille: i would not be surprised if this turns out to be my top song of 2024 on spotify. i see it as the end song, the harry and hermione reconciliation, and the vibe of believing in it again. doing the right thing. having each other, at least.

Intros & Narrators by Bastille: i'd previously decided i wouldn't put two songs by the same artist in a row but all rules are meant to be broken. this one came out just in time for me to finish story. this one isn't really about castles, it's about me. i guess i'm allowed one song on here.

On the Flip of a Coin by The Streets: this song, weirdly, has always been about the cave in HPB. i thought it was a good full circle moment for this chapter, it's incredible topical as a song, and also because the streets are mentioned on here. two birds one stone.

Mistral Gagnant by Renaud: if you are french, you already know why this is here. in fact, you'd have been disappointed if it wasn't. if you're not french, i'm sorry, this is most beautiful song in the world, and therefore it is untranslatable. te dire que les méchants c'est pas nous (...) te raconter enfin qu'il faut aimer la vie, l'aimer même si le temps est assassin et emporte avec lui les rires des enfants, et les mistral gagnants. it's the background song to the first godric's hollow scene for me.

Two Tales by Passenger: this song played one random night as i was walking my dog. i knew it, but had never really paid attention to it. it was the song that gave me the idea for lily going to war (and for the scene of her getting into a car accident). i can't explain it, it was a lightbulb moment. to me, one of the most foundational songs in the whole of this playlist. we've kept her bedroom exactly the same, winters they followed and summers they came. he'd bash around, banging down on the floor, i sit alone with an eye on the door.

Joséphine by Volo: i think the spotify algorithm fed this song to me cause it's my first name cause i don't know any other songs by this artist. i would say, without hyperbole, that apart from the title song castle, this song is probably the most important and foundational in for this story in this playlist, specifically in the idea of the intergenerational trauma, etc. basically, there's that one quote in it that says: je ne t'espère ma puce même pas de fleuve tranquille, j'en demanderai pas plus et même si ça existe, comme tu devras bien sûr apprendre à être triste ("i don't even wish for a quiet river for you, my darling, i won't ask for more and even if it exists, as you will of course have to learn to be sad"). this concept of kids having to "learn to be sad" was incredibly important in me coming up with the last chapter and in the whole direction of the fic, and it's of course a quote that both harry and ginny say/think at different points of the fic. that sentence has haunted me for years, and is basically one of the main reasons i wrote this fic.

The Isle of Arran by Loyle Carner: full disclosure, i'm a massive loyle carner fan, i saw him play live last summer and it was honestly one of the best experiences of my life. i actually remember playing this song a lot as i was writing the beginning of castles, but idk, it never quite fit into the playlist. then as i was writing last august, i guess it came back to me when lily mentions loyle carner (shameless self-insert here i'll admit) and i actually think this song fits very well here. it's about faith and death, and hanging on through tough experiences, in my head, i see it as the lily-going-to-war song, and potentially also her finally coming back? there's - again - something very full circle about this.

Mockingbird by Eminem: i mean. do i need to explain that one? this song has haunted me for twenty years. hailie's recently said this song always makes her cry and i was thinking to myself, like: imagine that song being about you? it's wild to me.

U-Turn (Lili) by AaRON: french people - do you remember that song?? it was everywhere! it was in a film or something, right? anyway, it's wildly on point here as lily comes back.

Passing Afternoon by Iron & Wine: i have always LOVED this song every since it featured on House, though i can never quite tell what it's about. i love the she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her for lily coming home and rebuilding the house in godric's hollow. there's a sense of peace and finding you Place in that song, physical and in the world (also, the phrase "our endless numbered days" haunts me) - idk, i just love that song and it felt right, here. she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings - i love the parallel between lily and ginny too.

Pink Skies (feat. Watchhouse) by Zach Bryan & Watchhouse: idk, this song is both so off topic but also so spot on. it's not the funeral thing - it's the vibe. this is the kids' closure, i feel. it's the kids all grown up and okay 😭. it's harry walking back into the house - everything. i particularly like the extra watchhouse verse: your pocket knife, it went missing, i think we know who got that one. you used to let her cut the ribbons on all her own presents - it made me nervous but now i see we just taught different lessons. this is so beautiful and so very harry&lily.

Tea & Toast by Lucy Spraggan: this song is basically the same vibe as the one before - but very british haha. it makes me tear up everytime. so symbolic of castles, the sunshine through the tough times. this is to me such a harry/ginny song - it's the perfect ending for them. that's their closure.

Arose by Eminem: and, lastly, i suppose, harry's closure. this is a harry fic, so it's fitting. this song is part 2 of the title song, castle, with a happier ending this time. it's throwing the pills in the toilet. now, i know.